My Danna's So Pretty!
by aBoOm-Un
Summary: Sasori is sick to the death of Deidara’s stupid jokes, his crazy complaining, blowing up stuff up, and simply Deidara in general. Yet, little does Deidara know that karma always comes back and bites you in the ass... [SasoDei, OOCness]
1. What Type Of Mission Is THIS!

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part I**_

**Summary: Sasori is sick to the death of Deidara's stupid jokes about how pretty he is, his crazy complaining, and disputes about the tiniest of things, blowing up stuff up, and simply Deidara in general. Yet, little does Deidara know that karma always comes back and bites you in the ass... At least they can put Deidara's feminine looks to good use now.**

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.**

**Disclaimer II: This takes place when Deidara is younger. It explains his crazy attitude.**

_By aBoOm-Un_

"Mmmm… So, now what that this is over, un?" Deidara queried, with a grin spread across his face. "Why should we go the boring way, when we could fly out..."

Sasori twitched slightly, and then said in a calm, icy tone, "We are **WALKING. **I am **NEVER **going back onto that horrible clay contraption ever again…"

Deidara put on a little pouting face, which Sasori admitted, made him look like a cute GIRL, but still cute. Sasori simply let out a sigh, and began to walk away. Deidara let out a bored groan, but then ran after him. He jumped next to him, and then said, "So, we hide your beauty? Because y'know, people would **pay **to see my danna, 'cause…"

"He's so pretty. Taken the information, spat it back up."

Deidara pouted, "You're no fun!" He then murmured under his breath, "Fogey…"

"I heard that!"

"Well, you **are**! You don't know me!"

Sasori's eye twitched; this was the **worst **side of Deidara you could possibly meet. Seriously. He would make cracks about you, and go all angsty when you say one thing wrong to him.

"_Maybe he's PMSing…" _

Deidara, who was walking somewhat stiffly along, staring up at the sky, stole a quick glance at Sasori. When their eyes met, Sasori raised an eyebrow. Deidara let out a rather loud "Hmph!" and went back to staring at the sky.

"_Yep. It's his time of the month again… Wait, don't girls only get that? Maybe he's a girl… But then… Oh god…"_

Sasori was flooded with disturbing, and remarkably vivid images. His eye twitched, as he raised his hands up to his face, and shook his head wildly. Deidara raised a (scarily) perfect eyebrow, and then smirked.

"Watcha thinking about, un?"

"Never you mind…" Sasori grumbled. "Just need some pain-killers…"

"Why would you need pain-killers? You're mostly just puppet…"

"I still need **FOOD, **don't I?"

Deidara (once again) raised his eyebrow, and said in a confused tone, "I've never seen you eat…" Sasori simply shrugged, and continued walking home.

…

"GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I can't take this!" Deidara reached into his bag of clay after 3 hours of walking, and his palm-mouth ate some. Sasori looked at him with a strange look on his face, so Deidara sighed and said angrily, "I'm **SO SICK **of walking, un!!! We've been walking for three hours, non-stop! I'm flying back the rest of the way, un!"

Sasori sighed, and said, "Deidara, let's keep mov…"

"No!"

Deidara then plonked himself down on the ground, and dug his hands into the earth. Sasori rolled his eyes and said calmly, but in an angry tone, "Deidara… GET UP."

"No! No! No! Un!"

Sasori cussed under his breath; Deidara was so troublesome. He grabbed his arm, and pulled him with all his might. Unfortunately, Deidara wasn't gonna let go any time soon. Hell, he would probably have his arms ripped out of the sockets and be dragged back to the Akatsuki lair by Sasori than let go and walk the rest of the way!

Sasori pulled and pulled at Deidara's arm, who was now screaming in an unusually high voice, "OH EM GEE!!! I'M BEING ATTACKED! HELP MEEEEEH, UN!!!"

Sasori, losing his cool, yelled, "For the love of god Deidara, **SHUT UP!!!**"

"NAY, VILE BEAST, UN!"

At times like this, Sasori actually wished **Orochimaru** was still his partner…

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Sasori and Deidara turned up at the Akatsuki lair three hours later than they usually would of (No thanks to Deidara's complaining), with Deidara in a hyper mood, and Sasori prepared to kill Deidara.

"WE'RE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME, UN!"

Deidara charged into the lair, and instantly jumped onto the tiny couch in the main room. Sasori trudged in after Deidara, while rubbing his temples, and groaning. Deidara was now jumping on the couch, jumping and giggling like he had just skulled a case of Red Bull. Sasori rolled his eyes at his partner, and sat himself in the armchair over in the corner and kinda sunk into it. Itachi chose that moment to walk into the room, Itachi looking bored as always.

Itachi chose a chair next to Sasori, then nodded at him and said, "Sasori. Mission went well?" Sasori let out a groan, and said, "If you mean well partnership-wise, then **HELL NO.**" Itachi looked a bit unconvinced, so Sasori pointed at Deidara, and said, "Could you put up with **THAT?!**"

Itachi looked over at Deidara, who was now chewing on a toothpick, humming the tune to "Star Wars."

Itachi recoiled slightly, and said, "Wow…"

Sasori took a deep breath in, and said, "Deidara better watch his back…"

Itachi gazed out into space for a bit, but then said slowly, "Yeah, that's right… Zetsu said that Leader was gonna give one of us a new mission." Sasori was about to ask, "About what?" but Itachi cut him off. "Get all Akatsuki in here now, Sasori."

Sasori said with a touch of impatience, "Show some respect, Uchiha…"

Itachi rolled his eyes, and then said, "Whatever. I'll get them all then…" Itachi then went out the room, leaving Sasori alone with his partner once more. He looked at the Iwagakure Missing-Nin, who was now lying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, still chewing on the toothpick. Sasori watched him for a bit, until Itachi and all the others came in, **excluding** the oMg-So-EvIl leader-san…

Kisame leisurely strolled in, looking strangely at Sasori. Sasori noticed this and said sharply, "What?" Kisame smirked, and said, "Nothing, Sasori… You tired, or something?" Sasori frowned at him, and opened his mouth, but Zetsu then started to speak.

"Ok, so Leader has given me some instructions to find the six-tailed weasel… Anyway, if **any **of you are smart, Raijuu sleeps in human navels. This will probably cause some problems, because the host of Raijuu is a guy. Now, to get Raijuu out of the guy's navel, you usually have to shoot it with an arrow, thus, stabbing the host through the gut."

Kakuzu said, "Yeah… And? So stab him through the gut! Who cares?"

Zetsu sighed, and his black side then hissed, "This guy is also the only guy who knows who Houkou's host is."

Kazuku cussed loudly, and slammed his fist on the table. Kisame let out a sigh, and said, "So what the hell are we s'posed to do then? How do we get info on Houkou **AND **get Raijuu?"

Zetsu grimaced slightly, and then Sasori said, "Well? How do we do this?" Zetsu took a deep breath, and said something that sent chills down everybody's spine…

"We're gonna have to seduce the information on Houkou and Raijuu out of him."

…

"**WHAT?!?!" **Hidan yelled, slamming his fist on the table. "One of us has to seduce a **GUY?! **Who the hell is willing to do **THAT?!?! **Who and where is he? Where is the goddamn tutu wearer?"

"I say Sasori does it!"

"**WHAT?! **No way, idiot!!!"

"Well I'm sure as hell not!'

"I say Itachi does, 'because he gave us the bad news!"

"Leave weasel alone! It's not his fault!"

"Alright, you're doing it, since you're already gay for weasel!"

"He isn't gay for me!"

"Hell yeah! Take that, you tiny loser!"

"I'm bigger than you!"

"Like hell!"

"Wanna bet?"

"You are **NOT **gonna flash your dicks all around the place! I'm already scarred by what's underneath Kakuzu's bed!"

"Hey, I have them because Yaoi is a great way to make money!"

"So you Yaoi for money?"

"Nobody cares about your sex life!!"

"Fish-boy knows all about Itachi's!"

"**WHY DON'T YOU GO FUC…"**

"**ENOUGH!!!!!!!"**

Everybody spun around. There, standing in the doorway, was…

"Leader?" Deidara gasped, standing up. Everybody stood up straight after Deidara. There, indeed, in the flesh, was… UCHIHA MADARA!!! Nah, it was the Akatsuki Leader. Although… Heh…

"Leader… Is Zetsu telling the truth? Does one of us have to seduce… A **GUY?**" Sasori said with wide eyes.\

"Mmmm… Yes, Sasori. One of us **HAS **to do it, and has to do it well…" The Akatsuki Leader sighed, putting his gaze on Sasori.

"Well, who looks feminine enough to seduce a guy out of information and poke him in the navel?

Eight sets of eyes came to rest on Deidara…

…It took Deidara approximately twenty-three point seven seconds to realise that everybody was staring at him.

"…un?"

"DEIDARA JUST VOLUNTEERED!!!" Sasori yelled, shoving the blonde-haired, blue-eyed 'beauty' over to the Akatsuki Leader. Deidara's eyes widened, and he let out a scream…

… A high-pitched, girly scream.

The Akatsuki Leader smirked, and murmured to Sasori, "Doll him up." Sasori grinned, and grabbed Deidara by the ponytail. As he dragged him off, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan, Zetsu and the unknown member all followed Sasori and Deidara, smirking to themselves, ignoring Deidara's screams.

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"Ok, first off Deidara, how 'bout you let your hair down…" Sasori suggested, reaching for his blonde partners hair tie…

"NO! I REFUSE TO LET MY HAIR DOWN, UN!!!" Deidara screamed, jumping away from the Puppet Masters reaching hands. Deidara, for the first time, had a look of genuine terror in his eyes, and his mouth was slightly open. Hidan raised an eyebrow, and asked, "Why not?"

Deidara stuttered, "I… Uh… Just… Just NO! No touchie the hair! Don't… Un…" Deidara was interrupted by the feeling of hands touching his hair.

He spun around to stare at the offender. It was Itachi. He was kinda… Running his fingers through his hair. He seemed to be enjoying the touch… Suddenly, Itachi pulled his hand away, and looked Deidara in the eye.

Itachi glared at Deidara slightly, but then smiled, and said in a calm, steely tone…

"Deidara… Have you been using my hair styling products?"

"_Holy crap on a stick! HE KNOWS!!! Oh em gee! Un!" _"Noooooooo… What makes you say that, un?"

"Because…" Itachi frowned and he once more ran his fingers through the bomb-specialists hair. "It feels like it, looks like it, and it even…" Itachi took a second to sniff his head. "**SMELLS **like **MY **shampoo."

Meanwhile, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu and the unknown member were all staring in shock at Itachi and Deidara, while they were discussing **HAIR PRODUCTS. **"Gay pansies…" Hidan muttered, stroking a rather large, rusty sword sticking out of his shoulder. The unknown member grimaced, and moved slightly towards Kisame, who was oblivious to the movement.

From then on, making Deidara pretty was nothing but a blur of words and colors…

"_Wow…"_

"_What is it, Sasori?"_

"_Itachi… If Deidara uses your shampoo… Where do you get it?!"_

"_Hn?"_

"_It's so… Soft!"_

"_And bouncy!"_

"_You don't like bouncy things, Kisame…"_

"_Oh go sacrifice your dick to Jashin!"_

"_MAYBE I __**WILL, **__Mr. Smartass!"_

"_That was just uncalled for, Hidan…"_

"… _I hate you…"_

…

"_**NO **__Kisame, we are __**NOT **__using the expensive red nail-polish on him!"_

"_Why not Kakuzu? It was only a buck more expensive than our usual purple…"_

"_We're __**NOT **__using it, THAT'S FINAL!"_

"_Party pooper…"_

"… _Why do we even __**HAVE **__red nail-polish?"_

"_Kakuzu… Why do you have girl's clothes in your closet…?"_

"_It's excellent for making money! Trust me!"_

"_Err…" _

_**Many Hours Later…**_

All the guys finally stopped, and looked at their work. They all stared at Deidara.

"Wow…" Kisame sighed.

"Oh my god…" Sasori breathed out.

"…" Even Itachi was speechless.

Yes, because standing in front of them… WAS NOW A TRANSVESTITE! Naaah, it was just an 'even-prettier-than-usual' Deidara. Deidara had now let his hair down, (which was discovered to go down to his waist) had red nail-polish on, (Kakuzu cracked after he discovered how pretty Deidara looked without it and couldn't bear the fact that Sasori would turn him into a puppet if he refused anymore), and was now wearing a Sakura-style top in silver, and a long, brown gypsy skirt. His eye was twitching, and he looked like he was ready to kill. Sasori swallowed, but then grinned and said, "Time to add the finishing touch!" Deidara's eyes widened.

"No, you are **NOT **shoving that down my top…"

"C'mon, you idiot! You can seduce a guy without huge jugs!"

After Sasori shoved the two soccer balls down Deidara's top, he looked at them for two seconds, and then said, "Errr…"

Hidan coughed twice, and then said, "Errr, Sasori? You wouldn't know, but… They like jugs, NOT BIG SAGGY… THINGS."

Itachi recoiled a bit, and Kisame looked very pale in his blue, fishy skin. "Ewww…"

Kakuzu however, looked like he was in ecstasy. His eyes were slightly closed, and he then licked his lips.

Unconsciously, everyone backed away from Kakuzu at that moment.

"…"

Deidara coughed twice, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Errr… How do I look, un?"

Kisame yelled, "Hot!"

Sasori said, "Err… You look… Nice?"

Black Zetsu murmured, "Delish-ous…" and White Zetsu said, "Agreed…"

Kakuzu didn't say anything…

Hidan groaned, and said, "Like you do every day…"

Itachi mumbled, "Alright… You look pretty. **VERY **pretty."

Deidara sighed, and slapped his forehead. "For god's sake guys, I'm STILL DEIDARA. I'M NOT SOME RANDOM CHICK. Stop gawking me… Un…" He trailed off when he saw Hidan's face, though. He hurriedly said, "Ok, can you just tell me where to meet the guy, so I can get this over and done with, un?!" He was panicking now. Kakuzu looked like he was ready to jump him…

Zetsu shook his head a bit, but then reached into the inside of his Akatsuki cloak and pulled out a scroll. "This is the mission information… Sasori will come with you, just to make sure you don't get into trouble. The rest is inside, alright? The guy lives in Iwagakure, so be careful, Deidara. Good luck."

"Do we have to leave now, un?"

"Yep."

"Why do I have to come?"

"Itachi said why… Are you blind, as well as pretty, Sasori no Danna, un?"

"Quiet you…"

"Have fun guys!"

"Wha..?"

Before Deidara could finish what he was saying, both Sasori and him had been shoved out of the Akatsuki lair, and into the worst mission Deidara could possibly get.

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**Oh dear… What horrors will Deidara and Sasori run into? Will Deidara really have to seduce a man? What does Sasori think? Will relationships change? Will Hidan get Deidara? Will aBoOm-Un get a romance fix? FIND OUT NEXT TIME I CAN BE BOTHERED UPDATING!!! Reviews please! I LOVE YOU ALL.**

**Love always,**

**- aBoOm-Un**


	2. Funny Thing, Jealousy

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part II**_

**Recap: Zetsu has recently told our beloved Akatsuki guys that their latest mission is to capture the Raijuu, or Six-Tails. Raijuu sleeps in peoples belly-buttons, and they would just stab Raijuu's host through the gut, but the host of Raijuu is the only person who knows where Houkou, also known as the Five-Tails is. So, what do they do? Why, they send Deidara to go seduce the information out, then poke him in the navel! Fool-proof!**

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.**

**Disclaimer II: This takes place when Deidara is younger. It explains his crazy attitude.**

**Disclaimer III: Yes, Renji's looks is loosely based on Ed from FMA. Well, his looks anyway…**

**Disclaimer IV: No, I DON'T own Ed from FMA either…**

**Disclaimer V: Hehehe… If some smart people out there know about Raijuu, they would know that Raijuu's fur is golden-yellow, so that's why I had to put a disclaimer up about not owning Ed, or his looks…**

**Disclaimer VI: This is all so pointless… Oh yeah, thanks for 7 reviews for the story one day after I published it! **

_By aBoOm-Un_

"Mmmm… So, what's in the scroll, un?" Deidara queried, leaning over Sasori's shoulder. His goofy grin he had only 4 hours ago (A/n; Where the story started off…) had faded from sight, and was now replaced by an anxious frown. Sasori looked over at his blonde partner, and couldn't help but feel ever-so-slightly sorry for him. Hell, he looked like a **GIRL. **Not that he didn't before or anything, but Sasori just felt sorry for him…

… And he didn't even know why.

Deidara looked at the scroll in Sasori's hands, sighed and then rested his chin on Sasori's shoulder.

"Open the scroll then, un…"

Sasori nodded, made a hand sign, and muttered, "Kai…" The seal on the scroll exploded, and Sasori unfurled it, reading what was inside. "Hmmm…"

"What's it say then, un?" Deidara asked, lifting his head of Sasori's shoulder, taking a deep breath in, expecting the worst.

Sasori let out a noise which sounded like "Hmmm…" and ran his finger of the writing. He then read out, "Your mission is to find the host of Raijuu. His name is Renji, and he has long dirty blonde hair, amber eyes, and is apparently quite the womanizer…"

"Crap…" Deidara muttered under his breath. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and looked at Sasori. "So… What do I have to do to find him Sasori no Danna, un?" Sasori smiled slightly, and said to Deidara in an approving tone, "You're being very mature about this, Deidara…"

"Aiiii, you would try to be mature as well if you were in a situation like this, un…"

Sasori suddenly saw a bright light surrounding Deidara…

… "Hm? What's this, un?" Deidara said rather loudly, jumping over Sasori's shoulder to touch a small seal on the scroll. Sasori looked at Deidara strangely with an eyebrow raised, so Deidara sighed rather loudly, tossed his hair back over his own shoulder, and pointed to the seal.

"That, un." Sasori's eyebrows were now in danger of disappearing into his hair…

Deidara let out a nervous laugh, and said, "I'm practicing being a girl, un…" Deidara began to rub the back of his neck, embarrassed. Sasori smirked at his partner, and released the seal.

"Kai!"

When Sasori released the seal, there was an explosion. It wasn't a normal one, though… Because when he released it, things began falling out the sky… The things were…

"**CLOTHES?!?!" **Deidara shrieked in an insanely high voice, waving his arms wildly in the air. **"CLOTHES?!?! **Is our leader on **CRACK, UN!?!?!" **Sasori's left eye twitched madly, as he stared at the clothes falling out of the sky. When it finally stopped raining clothes after about 3 minutes, a small note fluttered down in front of Deidara and Sasori. Deidara snatched it while it spun down to Earth, and read it out a loud…

"Hope you like the clothes, Deidei-chan!"

- Loves From Your Leader, Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan and Kakuzu.

Deidara's right eye twitched madly, before he tore the note in half, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it onto the ground. Sasori bent over and picked up a top which had recently fell out the sky. It was a sparkly, bright pink halter-neck dress top. Sasori grinned evilly, and said, "You're gonna be **SO **pretty, Deidei-chan…"

Deidara glared at full intensity at his partner, and then let out a roar of fury.

"**You're** **SO DEAD WHEN WE GET BACK, HIDAN, UN!!!"**

_Meanwhile, back at the Akatsuki Lair…_

Hidan was laughing his head off, while Kisame, Zetsu, Leader-sama and the unknown member laughed right along with him. Itachi just sat back, before commenting, "What a glorious waste of time that was…"

_Back to the darlings…_

Sasori groaned in annoyance as he picked up some clothes, while Deidara was wildly flinging his fists everywhere, his face red with embarrassment. Because Deidara wouldn't stop waving his arms around, he was attracting attention from passersby… And it was at that moment Sasori realized he was still in his Akatsuki cloak.

"Holy crap!"

Sasori ripped off his cloak, and spun around to shove it into Hiroku, but to his ever-growing frustration…

"Oh yeah… No Hiroku, un."

Sasori now looked as if he was about to burst into tears. He felt so… _Naked! _He was now wearing nothing but a mesh-top and a pair of three-quarter pants. He was used to also having the cloak, **aaaaand **being inside Hiroku, but now… Oh god!

Sasori grimaced slightly, while he shoved the clothes and cloak into a small backpack. Deidara made a questioning face at him, so Sasori sighed and said sadly, "Now I know how **YOU **feel, Deidara…" Deidara smirked slightly, and said, "Sooo… Sasori no Danna, shouldn't we look at the mission, un?"

"What's the point? With no Hiroku… I'm DOOMED! Doomed for all eternity! People ogling my… Prettiness!" Sasori wailed, throwing his hands up to the sky. Deidara rolled his eyes, and buried his face into his hands, groaning.

"You think **YOU **have problems?!"

"Yes Goddammit, **YES!!!**" Sasori screeched, doing a crazy pirouette of frustration. By this time, Deidara was trying to stay as calm as possible, while poor Sasori was on the brink of hysteria. "For the love of Kami, Sasori no Danna, **SHUT UP!!!" **

Sasori shut up ever so slightly, as he stared at Deidara confusedly. Then, reality settled in…

… He was acting like a complete idiot.

Sasori's eye twitched, and he then screamed at Deidara, **"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?!"**

"About **WHAT, UN?!?!" **

"Me being stupid, you freakin' idiot!"

"Why am I the idiot, un?"

"Because you look like a freakin' **CHICK!!!" **

"Gaaahhh! I would have rather gone with KAKUZUthen you on this mission, un! And he wanted to jump me!"

Sasori opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Deidara glared at his partner, and grabbed the mission scroll of the ground. Deidara ran through the scroll, his eyes narrowed. "Che… We have to go back to Iwagakure, un. Crap." Sasori raised an eyebrow and said in a steely tone, "Why should I care about that, idiot?"

Deidara glared at Sasori, and shoved a picture into Sasori's hands. "**THIS **is what I have to **seduce**, un…" Sasori looked at the picture Deidara had shoved into his hands, and raised an eyebrow. All Deidara did was look away, and heave out a sigh.

The dude in the picture, Sasori noticed, was supposedly what the girls would call 'hot'. He had short bangs which fell over his eyes, and his long, messy, dirty-blonde hair ran down his back up to about the middle of his back. His eyes were brilliant amber, and his teeth were brilliant white. Kinda like that dork from Konoha he saw once… The one in green spandex. Deidara looked over Sasori's shoulder at the picture, and sighed.

"Judging by the guy's looks, he'll easily go for me, un…"

Sasori suddenly had a mental image of lots of kids running around with long, dirty-blonde hair with blue eyes. He shook those images out of his mind, and frowned slightly.

"Mm? Sasori no Danna, you alright, un?" Sasori turned to look at Deidara, who had a look of… Concern on his face? Sasori smiled weakly, and responded, "Yeah… So, shall we head off then?"

"Yeah, un…"

Sasori smirked when Deidara looked sadly at his Danna. After all, this was the worst thing that could happen to Deidara…

And with that, they set off to Iwagakure, Deidara's old home.

"Alright, so from now on, I am your brother, Raisos. We are wanderers, and are looking for a place to stay…"

"Alright, but what's my new name, un?"

"Your name shall now be… Erm… Seiya. Yeah, Seiya…"

"Seiya? Nice name, un… Oh, and Raisos? What the hell is **THAT?"**

"Hey, I want my name to be as close as Sasori as possible?"

"Are you really **that** vain, Sasori no Danna, un?"

Sasori stopped walking with Deidara, but suddenly pulled out a kunai and twirled it around his finger. He then muttered, "You are **SO DEAD, **Seiya-chan…"

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"

On this fateful day, Deidara leant **NEVER **to call his Danna vain **EVER **again…

Deidara rubbed his head tentatively, gently fingering the now-large bruise on his head. "What was that for, Sasori no Danna?" Sasori smirked at his blonde partner, and continued walking.

"_Y'know, if this happened earlier, Deidara would have sat on the floor by now and dug his hands into the ground…" _

Sasori groaned as he remembered the memories. He slapped his forehead, and let out a moan.

"Hm? Sasori no Danna, don't do that, un! It sounds like you're having an orgasm, un…" Deidara stopped rambling when Sasori stopped in his tracks and he turned his evil aura on.

"…un?"

Deidara now lay in a smoldering heap on the ground, with Sasori standing above him. "So **SEIYA-CHAN, **what have you learnt today?"

"Sasori no Danna is asexual, un!"

"Wrong answer, **SWEETHEART**…"

""**CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP, UN!!!"**

"Ouchie, un…"

"So, **WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT TODAY?!?!"**

"Sasori no Danna gets PMS every 23rd of October, un!"

"Are you **ASKING **for a death-sentence?"

"… No, un…"

"Well, what have you learnt then?"

"Sasori no Danna is pretty goddamn scary when it comes to being pretty…"

"… Good enough…"

Sasori and Deidara continued on their way, despite the fact Deidara now had a black-eye and possibly a few broken limbs…

…

When they finally reached Iwagakure, Deidara and Sasori were shoving each other backwards and forwards continuously. No, it wasn't meant to hurt the other, it was just to irritate the other and to burn the time. Yes, they had been doing that for about 3 hours now… As they tried to walk through the gate, two shinobi jumped in front of them.

"Halt! What's your entrance…"

The two shinobi stared at Deidara, who had a black eye, and his arms were hanging loosely out the socket. Sasori nudged him, so Deidara said blindly, "Wha..? Oh yeah, un…" Deidara put on his best girl impersonation accent, and whimpered with his eyes full of (fake) tears, "Oh, help us please, un! We can't find anywhere to stay, and all the villages won't let us in, un!"

Sasori pushed in quickly, "She's also pregnant!" The two shinobi raised their eyebrows at Sasori's current appearance. His face was smudged with dirt, dust, and Kami knows what else, and his hands had dried up blood on them, from when he attacked Deidara. His eyes were slightly unfocused, and he looked all 'round freakish.

Deidara quickly put in, "He has problems when he's dehydrated, un… He loses consciousness, and goes senile, un! Yes, he's old…" Deidara put in warningly in his feminine voice, noting the two shinobi's faces. They stared blankly at Deidara and Sasori for a moment, and said, "O-kay… What are your names, strangers?"

"Dei… Oops, Seiya! My name is Seiya, un!" Deidara said hurriedly, when Sasori poked him in the ribs. "And my brother is called Raisos, un." The shinobi on the left raised an eyebrow, folded his arms, huffed and then said, "I believe Seiya, but Raisos sounds like a name made up on the spot because he's an S Class Nin trying to get into Iwagakure because of some crazy reason…"

Sasori anime-sweatdropped. _"Crap!"_

Deidara looked at Sasori, but then laughed. "Oh, no no no, un!" He laughed. "Raisos is my brother who needs water! **NOW.**" He said hardly, slightly glaring at the guards. They both anime-sweatdropped, and opened the gate. Deidara giggled, and said, "Thank you, guys!" They then proceeded to walk through the gate, but…

"Wait! Seiya-san!"

Deidara spun around to see one of the guards running up to him. "You don't even know my name!" Deidara raised an eyebrow, and said, "Yeah… So what is it, then?" The guard stopped in his tracks, and went slightly red. He turned away slightly, and said in a quieter voice, "My… My name is Gavin, Seiya-san… And my guard-friend is Takeshi." Takeshi raised a hand, and said, "Yo."

Deidara raised an eyebrow, but then smiled, and said, "Hey Gavin, Takeshi." Takeshi smiled, but Gavin looked like he was on the verge of fainting of happiness. Sasori looked at Takeshi, and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why didn't you faint as well?" Sasori asked, his voice somewhat icy.

Takeshi blinked twice, then burst into laughter. "Oh no, silly! I wouldn't! I'm gay."

Sasori's eye twitched, and Deidara laughed nervously. "A-hah-ah..! Errr, Takeshi, Gavin, Raisos and I have to go…"

"Don't go just yet, Seiya-san!" Gavin had now grabbed Deidara's arm. Deidara's left eye twitched slightly, and said in the sweetest voice he could muster, "**PLEASE **let go of my arm, Gavin-san…"

Gavin gulped, and said slowly, "Gavin… san?" What happened next, came as a shock to everybody.

**(Warning! Next paragraph contains violence and cussing! … And a bit of sexual stuff…)**

Gavin exploded, and quite literally. His head literally blew up from all the blood rising to his head, creating quite a large mess. Bits of Gavin's brain fell all over Takeshi, Sasori and Deidara. Sasori stood there, as he was used to it. Hell, you would be to if **YOU **worked in the Akatsuki! Deidara was also used to it, but then Deidara realized he was supposed to be a girl, so he let out a scream of horror, and jumped straight into Sasori's arms, squealing in (supposed…) fright. Sasori raised an eyebrow,

But…

Deidara in his arms…

Actually really felt nice.

**REALLY **nice.

Now, Sasori is a puppet. We **KNOW** that already. But, Sasori still had human emotions… And a heart. And a dick. ("A tiny one, if that!" Hidan stated once, then laughed his ass off… coughNOTTRUEcough) so…

Add them all together…

And…

You…

Get…

**FIREWORKS**! (xD)

Now Sasori wasn't oblivious to this, so he dumped Deidara on the ground before his poor, currently transvestite, young partner could notice anything.

"Oi! That hurt, un!"

"_What the __**HELL!?!?!" **_

Sasori was confused. **VERY **confused. This had never happened before…

Never…

So

Why

Was

It

Happening

Now?

When

Deidara

Was

Dressed

Like

A

Bloody

Tramp?

Sasori was broken out of his thoughts when Deidara grabbed him by the collar of his mesh-top and said, "OI! What the hell was that for, un?" Before Sasori could open his mouth and answer, he got shut up by something he had never really paid attention to…

Deidara's eyes.

His beautiful, beautiful blue eyes.

His amazing, amazing blue eyes.

His pretty, pretty blue eyes.

His sexy, sexy blue eyes…

You get the drift…

They were catching the sun, which made them seem as if they were sparkling sapphires, submerged in icy water…

Wait… What the hell was Sasori thinking? Eyes are eyes. Nothing more. Not bloody 'sparkling sapphires submerged in icy water' bullcrap! Without even thinking, Sasori yelled straight into Deidara's face.

"BECAUSE WHY THE HELL SHOULD **I** SUPPORT **YOUR** WEIGHT WHEN ALL YOU DO IS **IRRITATE** **ME?!?!"**

Deidara's grip on Sasori's collar slacked, and Deidara 's face was unreadable. One part of him looked like he was gonna yell back in Sasori's face, another looked like he was about to burst into tears. Also, another part of him looked as if he was gonna totally **BOMB**** HIZ A55, **and the other side looked as if he wanted to make up with Sasori and bend down and kiss his shoes.

To Sasori's eternal horror, Deidara did the second thing on Sasori's list, and burst into tears.

"Y-You… You B-BASTARD! I-I-I c-can't believe **y-you** would s-say that! **OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE!" **Deidara sobbed, burying 'her' face into his hands.

Now, Sasori isn't stupid. He knows his limits. He knew when Deidara was fake crying. And this was one of the times. Unfortunately, Takeshi didn't.

"Oh, Seiya-san! Don't cry!" Takeshi shushed 'her', rubbing 'her' back soothingly. Takeshi sent an evil glare at Sasori, who felt a sudden pain shoot through his chest. Sasori blinked confusedly, and ran his hand over his chest. Why was it hurting? There was nothing in there…

…Except for a heart.

Sasori blinked twice, and looked down at his chest. He was confused. What was this? What was this foreign pain in his chest? What was this thing that was making him feel bad about Deidara?

He sighed, and said something he thought he would never say… **EVER.**

"Sorry, Seiya-neechan."

Deidara pulled his head out from his hands. His eyebrow was in danger of disappearing into his hair, and he had stopped 'crying'.

"What was that, Raisos?"

Sasori sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "…Sorry, Seiya-neechan." Deidara broke into a grin, and squealed, "Oh, NIISAN!" Deidara tackled him into a hug, making Sasori go rigid.

"_Ok, now the pain is traveling downwards… Wait, __**WHAT?!?!**__"_

Sasori laughed nervously, and pulled away from Deidara, who was grinning madly. Takeshi sighed, wiped a tear away from his left eye, and said, "I love happy endings!"

Sasori and Deidara looked at each other and anime-sweatdropped.

When Takeshi was done, he said, "Well, you guys take care, and enjoy your stay in Iwagakure!" Deidara grinned, and said, "We will! Take care, Takeshi! Kisses!" Deidara blew a kiss to Takeshi, while waving and giggling as they entered Iwagakure. When Deidara was done doing that, he let out a huge sigh, and whispered to Sasori, "I thought that would never end…" Sasori smirked at him, and when they entered Iwagakure, many people stopped what they were doing and stared at Deidara.

The thing was, those people were guys…

As Deidara and Sasori walked the streets to find an inn, Deidara ignored the pickup lines and wolf-whistles being thrown at him. (Not literally…) Deidara didn't seem to mind…

… So why was it whenever a guy came onto Deidara, Deidara didn't really care, but Sasori couldn't help his eyebrows furrowing into a frown?

**Oh my god! Sasori is developing FEELINGS!!! Le gasp! Yeah… So, Deidara and Sasori ran into trouble with men, Deidara still hasn't seduced a man, but Sasori is feeling jealousy, Kakuzu DIDN'T get Deidara, and aBoOm-Un got a slight romance fix… But OH YES, there will be a LOT more romance in this story… You know the drill! **

**Love always,**

**-aBoOm-Un**


	3. It MUST Be Love, Or A Stroke

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part III**_

**Recap: Deidara and Sasori have set off to Iwagakure, where the host of Raijuu is. Sasori and Deidara did a lot of fighting along the way, and Sasori is now called 'Raisos', and Deidara is now called 'Seiya'. They are pretending to be brother and sister, and Sasori has recently been feeling strange around his blonde partner, such as being possessive, and having pains in his chest. Is it love, or is Sasori gonna have a stroke? READ ON TO FIND OUT!**

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.**

**Disclaimer II: This takes place when Deidara is younger. It explains his crazy attitude.**

**Disclaimer III: Brownie points to whoever knows the running line in the story! )**

**Disclaimer IV: Yes, this chapter sucks. YOUR story would suck too, if you started writing it in School… Laugh at my pathetic attempt of humor. Oh joy.**

_By aBoOm-Un_

"Mmmm… So, where are we gonna stay, un?" Deidara queried, looking around his old village. His left eyebrow was raised, as he spun around, taking in all the old sights. Sasori sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. Sasori looked at his blonde partner, and said, "Wherever we find, Deidara."

"What if it's really run down, un?"

"We go there anyway."

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Sasori no Danna?" Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

"Because I say so, that's why! Now shut up!"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, un!"

Sasori let out a groan, and slapped his forehead in annoyance. Deidara, it turns out, hadn't changed a bit. Gosh. (A/n; OMG! Did I really just say 'Gosh'?)

As Sasori and Deidara continued to ignore (or at least, try) the men of Iwagakure trying to pick up Deidara, Sasori found an old, run-down inn on a back street.

"_Perfect…"_

"Oi, Deidara. We're staying here." Sasori muttered to his blonde partner, and then pointed out the building from across the road. Deidara groaned in annoyance, but followed his Danna across the road into the back-alley.

"Awww, but Raisos-niisan, un… Why here, un?"

"Nobody will suspect us! Now, **MOVE!!!**"

Sasori grabbed the poor young man by the wrist, and dragged him along over to the inn.

"Arrrrrrghhhhh! That hurts, un!!!"

"Do I **LOOK **like I care, Seiya-**NEECHAN**?!"

"… I would **HATE **to be your sister in real life, un…"

Sasori twitched. "You're pushing your luck, sweetie…"

"Oh yeah, why do you call me 'sweetie' or 'sweetheart', un? It's creepy… **REALLY **creepy, un…"

"Do you **WANT **us to fail the mission, Deidara?" Sasori hissed quietly, but with a touch of murderous intent in his voice. "Because it sounds like you do…"

Deidara's mouth fell open, and he gasped, and said, "You're being mean, un! I'm telling Itachi-san, un!"

"What would he do to help you? After all, you **did **steal his shampoo…"

"… Good call, Danna, un. For that, you choose where we stay, un."

"Alrighty, we're staying here then."

"Wha…? Oh, **DAMMIT, **un!!"

Sasori, now smirking, dragged the now-pouting Deidara into the inn.

_Ding!_

Sasori and Deidara walked into the inn, which was better than Deidara took it for. In the foyer, there was a little, beige two-seater, along the furthest wall from Deidara and Sasori. A small counter was up near the two-seater, where a young lady, about in her twenties sat. She had brown hair, which was tied into two, long pigtails, which fell over her shoulders. She was wearing glasses, while looking at a large folder, filled with files. She looked up, and smiled at the two.

"Hello, and welcome to the Sleazy Inn! My name is Kiara-Belle, and I will help you any way possible!"

Sasori raised an eyebrow at her, while Deidara waved wildly and yelled, "Hey!!!" Kiara-Belle laughed slightly, and said, "Would you like a room?"

Sasori said in a bored tone, "Yeah. You have a spare room, no?"

Kiara-Belle nodded quickly. "Yes! We have many rooms, there's one with two single beds, or one Queen-sized if you'd…"

"What? Oh god, **NO!!!**" Sasori shouted, waving his arms about wildly. "No way, no!"

Deidara simply folded his arms, and raised an eyebrow at his hysterical Danna.

"You're so silly, Raisos-niisan, un…"

Kiara-Belle gasped, and raised her hands up to her mouth when Deidara uttered these words.

"Oh crap, you're **BROTHER AND SISTER?!?! **Oh god… Oh god… I'm so sorry… It's just, you two looked really… Well, CUTE together, so I thought that you… Were like… Y'know… Err…"

Deidara raised a hand. "Say no more, say no more, un. People always say that about us, un. Our hair… Well, it looks like mustard and ketchup, which kinda… Y'know…. Reminds people of take-away food. Which… Actually, I don't know why people say we look good together, un!!!" Kiara-Belle and Deidara both burst into laughter simultaneously, which only made them laugh harder. Sasori watched the whole scene before commenting, "You women are **WEIRD**…"

Deidara and Kiara-Belle both stopped laughing and glared at Sasori. Sasori shut his mouth quickly, deciding that two angry women was a **LOT **more than he could handle for one day. He coughed twice, and said sheepishly, "Just kidding. Now, Kiara-Belle, do you have a room for us?"

Kiara-Belle smiled happily. "Yes, Raisos-sama! It's down the hall, at the end on the right. These are the keys…" She dropped a pair of keys into Sasori's hand, "And I hope you enjoy your stay! Oh, and I thought I'd let you know, we have one other person in the inn. His name is Renji, and he would love to meet you all."

Sasori's ears perked up (A/n; WTF?) when he heard these words. He looked at Kiara-Belle intently, and said, "Renji? He's here?"

Kiara-Belle laughed again, and said, "Of course he does! He lives here."

Sasori raised an eyebrow. "How do you know him?"

Kiara-Belle sighed, and ran a hand through her long brown hair. "I'm his Tuesday lover." Sasori gaped at her, while Deidara mouthed the words, _"Told you so! Womanizer!" _to Sasori.

"W-What do you mean, **TUESDAY **lover?!"

Kiara-Belle smiled sadly, and said, "Renji is quite the womanizer. He has a lover for every day of the week… Except for Sunday. Which just so happens to be today." She threw a warning look at Deidara, who gulped. She smiled bravely, and whispered to Deidara, "Good luck!"

"For what, un?"

Sasori grabbed Deidara by the hand before he could get a response, and dragged him down the hallway. Deidara stopped yammering away and went silent when Sasori grabbed his hand, which was weird as… Strange enough as it was, Deidara's heart slightly sped up when this happened…

Sasori, on the other hand, felt that this entire situation was entire awkward, and made him feel unusually edgy. He could feel blood rising to his face, which he sure as hell **DIDN'T **need at the moment, which made him walk a bit faster… Although he would never admit it out loud, he enjoyed squeezing that little hand so much…

Sasori pushed the key into the lock, and walked into the room, dragging Deidara behind of him. Sasori stopped walking, and Deidara pulled himself out of his grasp. He then looked around, and said blankly, "Whoa."

The room was small, and had one bathroom. There were two small beds in the middle of the room over against the wall, with a small flower on the pillow. There was a small daybed next to the large window, next to a small table. Deidara grinned, and yelled, "I call this bed!!!" He ran over to the bed next to the day-bed, and jumped onto it, laughing like a lunatic. Sasori sighed, and shook his head.

"_Wow… How'd I get stuck with a guy like __**THIS**__?!"_

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Sasori turned around and opened it, to see a guy holding a large bouquet of pink flowers. The guy had long, blonde hair, and deep amber eyes…

"Hey! You must be Raisos and Seiya, right?" He said eagerly. Sasori raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes..?"

"Oh, well welcome to the Sleazy Inn!" He stated happily, pushing past Sasori and going straight over to Deidara. Sasori unconsciously furrowed his brow at the intruder…

"Oh, thank you, un!" Deidara said happily, taking the brilliant pink flowers from the man. "And you are, un?"

The man grinned, and put on a pose. "My name is… Renji!" All of a sudden, a strong wind came, and his hair blew back, and a sunset appeared…

Deidara giggled slightly, and tossed his hair slightly. "So Renji, where do you live, un?"

Renji stopped posing, and smiled at Deidara. "Why, fair maiden, I live in this inn! For alas, my evil brother kicked me out of my apartment, and forced me to live on the street… However, Kiara-Belle took me in, and I have lived here ever since! And, I come across lovely young women such as yourself here…" He knelt down and kissed Deidara's hand, which Deidara responded to by giggling a bit, and… Blushing? Sasori frowned angrily at Renji, and coughed twice. Renji stood up quickly, and said, "Would you like to come to my room, Seiya-san, Raisos?"

Sasori frowned, but said, "Fine…"

As Renji pranced out the room, Deidara walked over to Sasori, and hit him on the arm. "Idiot!" He hissed. "How am I gonna seduce him if you keep on interfering, un!?" As Deidara followed Renji, Sasori simply stood there, stunned. He really didn't expect that from Deidara… His heart, the only living thing in his body, twinged slightly. Sasori gritted his teeth slightly, and slapped his hand up to his chest. He looked down at his hand, and shut his eyes tightly. He really didn't need this…

"Raisos-niisan, you comin' or what, un?" A voice broke him out of his thoughts…

… A heavenly voice, the voice of an angel…

_BEEP!_

"_**Cut! Alright, what the hell are you doing to me, Boom?" Sasori yelled, throwing the script at aBoOm-Un. "So… You don't like it?" Tears welled up in aBoOm-Un's eyes, as she stifled a sob. Deidara frowned at his Danna, and hugged aBoOm-Un, rubbing her back. "Shhhh, it's ok, Sasori no Danna is being a meanie, un…" He soothed, glaring at Sasori. Sasori glared at Deidara, and aBoOm-Un yelled, "AHA! So you DO like him, after all Sasori!" Sasori's mouth fell to the floor, and he stuttered, "W-Wait! T-That isn't what I mean! Honest!" aBoOm-Un simply smirked as Sasori went from pink to crimson. **_

_BEEP! Sorry for any inconvenience, the story will now commence again._

Sasori shook his head slightly, before looking up in a daze to see Deidara's face, twisted with concern. "Niisan? You alright, un?"

Sasori nodded, and murmured, "Yeah… I'm coming."

Sasori followed Deidara and Renji to the furthest room for theirs. Renji shoved a key into the lock, and they all entered the room. Renji almost instantly jumped onto his bed, and said, "So, Seiya, Raisos. Tell me a bit about yourselves."

Deidara grinned, took a chair by the day-bed, and rubbed his chin. "Where to begin, un…"

Sasori and Renji both sweat-dropped at the same time…

**MANY HOURS LATER…**

Deidara had finally stopped rambling, and Sasori and Renji finally woke up out of their trance. Deidara pouted, "Were EITHER of you listening to me just now, un?"

Sasori groaned, and ran a hand through his hair. "I've heard the story of you kicking me in your sleep about 60 times by now…"

Deidara put on a pouty face, and said, "Renji-san? You were listening, un… Right?"

Renji said slowly, "Wha..? Oh yeah, of course…"

Deidara beamed, and said, "So, Renji. Tell us a bit about you, un!"

Renji smiled, and sat back. "Ok, well, my family was rich. I lived in an apartment… Ok, it was a penthouse." He said hastily, noting Deidara's raised eyebrow. "Anyway, I've been living here for about 6 years now… Oh, did you know I was the Number One Rookie of my year? Girls loved me, and even some of the guys did… I was the best at Taijutsu, which nobody could master in my year…"

"_Well la-di-__**DA, **__Mr. Perfect…" _Sasori thought to himself.

"Errr… So, Renji. Do you have any Kekkai Genkai?" Sasori queried, leaning forward. Renji, now scowling at Sasori, said simply,

"Yeah. I can read minds."

Sasori's mouth fell open, as his eye twitched as he stared at Renji.

"I was only kidding…" Renji said, anime sweat-dropping.

Sasori's slammed his head down onto the table, shaking it. Deidara raised an eyebrow at his Danna, and then looked at Renji when he let out a sigh.

Renji mumbled, "Nobody ever laughs at my jokes…"

…

"Oh Renji, you're so silly, unnnnn!" Deidara giggled, a bowl of sake tipping in his hand.

Renji, very red in the face, laughed throatily, and said, "Nu-uh! You **ARE **sexy, Seiya-chaaan!" Deidara blushed, swinging the sake in his hand. They had taken Sasori back to Deidara's room a while ago, and thought they should have some sake. Deidara, slightly tipsy, Renji, major wasted.

"Hey, Seiya-chan?"

"Yeaaaaaaahhhh, Renji-o, un?" Deidara said, giggling at his own pet name for Renji.

"I thunk we shud goo smit!"

"Whaaaaaaaatttt? I don't undershtand joo, unnnnn!!" Deidara giggled hysterically, flinging his sake everywhere.

"I said, I thunk we shud do it!"

Deidara, feeling repulsed, but realizing his plan was going well, smirked at him.

"You're on, bay-beeeee, un!"

…

Sasori, who had just woke up in the other room, felt a sudden chill sweep over him. His thoughts drifted to his blonde partner, who he had just been dreaming about. He sighed loudly, and flopped back onto his bed, trying to drive Deidara out of his mind.

"_Arrghhh, goddamn it! Why is he stuck in my head? I mean, he's dressed as a chick, no kidding… But, why have I been feeling this way? __**WHY?!**__" _

Sasori desperately threw his head from side to side, thinking of long blonde hair, and blue, blue eyes…

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Sasori yelled, pounding the sheets with his fist. He couldn't stand this, his stupid blonde partner was on the brain!! When another cold chill settled over him, he finally decided that he should go check on him.

**MEANWHILE! (Beware of near yuckiness!)**

Renji was now trying to pull of Deidara's top, moaning hysterically. Deidara, feeling sickened, pulled away slightly from his reaching hands, desperately trying to go to his happy place. Feeling repulsed, he did the only thing he could do…

… Kiss Renji.

"_Just imagine it's Sasori no Danna, un…"_

Unconsciously, Deidara kissed Renji a little harder…

Sasori, who was currently walking up the hallway, felt as if something bad was happening… To him. To **HIS **blonde partner. He sped up his pace…

Renji was pulling off Deidara's top, when…

"RAISOS-NIISAN?!?!" Deidara shrieked, pulling his top up. "What the hell do you think you're doing, un?! Renji-san and I are **BUSY, **un!!!"

Sasori said stiffly, "We need to talk, Seiya-neechan." Before Deidara could reply, Sasori had grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of the room, completely oblivious to drunk Renji.

When they were back in their room, Deidara hissed at Sasori, "**WHAT THE HELL**, SASORI NO DANNA?! What do you think you were doing? I was so close!"

Sasori, not being able to hold his new-found emotions in any longer, yelled, "The question Deidara, is what the hell **YOU **were doing!!!"

Unconsciously, before Deidara could open his mouth to respond to Sasori, Sasori had crashed his lips into Deidara's, taking him by surprise…

… And making his hormones bounce of the walls.

…

**OMG! Romance! So sorry, this chapter is so rushed… I needed to update though!! Hope you enjoyed, however. Stay tuned for Saso/Dei waff!**

**Love always, **

**-aBoOm-Un**


	4. Truth, Love, & an Asshat

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part IV**_

**Recap: Sasori and Deidara met Renji, and Sasori became very jealous. Deidara began to seduce Renji, but Sasori walked in on them, and pulled Deidara away back to their rented room. Deidara began to yell at Sasori, but without warning, Sasori kissed Deidara. **

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.**

**Disclaimer II: I had MAJOR writers block. This chapter was inspired by my friend, Tashy. Cheers honey! hugs**

**Disclaimer III: Ok, is it just me, or is it either nobody reads the author note, or nobody picked up the line? Anyways, it stops now…**

**Disclaimer IV: Expect this chapter to have NO humor what-so-ever. This is all about romance and drama, people!!**

_By aBoOm-Un_

Deidara was confused. VERY confused. You wouldn't believe how confused he was. He shut his eyes tightly, and thought to himself.

"_Wha..? Danna, what are you doing, un?"_

Sasori was just as confused as poor Deidara was.

"_What the hell am I doing?!_" Sasori shouted in his head. He was being stupid, he **KNEW **it. Why the hell was he doing this? What possessed him to kiss his young, stupid, **transvestite **partner?

Sasori pulled away from Deidara, who was staring at Sasori with his brilliant blue eyes wide open.

"_Oh god no…"_

"Deidara…"

Sasori took a step towards to Deidara, who almost instantly stepped away from Sasori. Sasori felt his heart drop.

"_Oh, __**HELL **__no… Deidara, please… No…"_

"Deidara… Please… I'm sorry…"

Deidara turned around and ran straight out of the door Sasori just pulled him though.

"Deidara!"

Deidara didn't respond. He simply hid his head in his hands (A/n; Wow! Helluva lot of assonance there:3) and ran off down the hallway, straight past Kiara-Belle, and out of the door. Sasori stuck his head out of the room, and yelled, "DEIDARA!"

He groaned in frustration, and began to run after Deidara, but Kiara-Belle grabbed his shoulder. "What do you want?!" He snapped, shoving her hand off his shoulder. As he began to run after his partner, Kiara-Belle let out a sigh.

"She's not your sister, is she?"

Sasori's stopped in his tracks, his head snapped back to Kiara-Belle, and he glared at her. "**SHE'S **not a woman."

Kiara-Belle raised an eyebrow, but then sighed, and said, "I knew that. The way you reacted to the room… It was obvious."

Sasori glared hardly at her. "You didn't. You just want to sound smart, bitch."

Kiara-Belle sighed, and said, "Sasori, I know already. So stop pretending."

Sasori stopped glaring at her, and his mouth dropped. "H-How… Do…"

"You know my name? Simple." Kiara-Belle sighed, and tossed her pigtails back slightly. Sasori gaped slight at her, so she sighed again, and started talking, "When you were back in your room and Deidara and Renji were alone, Deidara came out to talk to me for a bit. After a bit of talking, he came clean."

"_Shit…"_

Sasori groaned, and said, "That idiot… So, whatcha gonna do now? Alert the ANBU? Call the police? Tell your Kage?"

Kiara-Belle smiled sadly, and said, "No, Sasori-san. I have nothing against the Akatsuki, and you guys are kind… Enough… To me. Also, I know about what you want here. PLEASE, instead of poking him, stab him?"

Sasori's eyes slightly widened. Kiara-Belle's pale green eyes were wide and filled with hope. Sasori sighed, and said, "Its Deidara's job. It's up to him." Kiara-Belle's smile faltered a bit, but she remained hopeful.

"Ok!" She said, her voice light. Sasori smiled slightly at her, and said, "So. If you know him that well…"

"He's probably going to the old park he used to go to when he was a kid. Go straight ahead up the road, then turn left on the avenue, turn right down the alley, right again, then left again. He'll be there."

Sasori blinked twice, and said in a weird tone, "Err… Thanks. I better go…"

"Go get 'im, tiger!"

Sasori blinked at Kiara-Belle, who winked at him, and shoved him out the door before he could say anything back to her.

Sasori slowly walked up the road, mulling over what he just did.

"_Ok… Now, what do I tell him…? I was delirious. No, I was drunk. No… I was madly in love with you? HELL NO. I was horny. Holy shit! What have I become?!" _Sasori **just **resisted the urge to bash him head against a brick wall, and continued to walk onwards, one step at a time.

"_But, honestly Sasori… What drove you to do that? I mean, he was angry, and so were you… So, why the hell did you kiss him? You don't love him… You don't have __**ANY **__romantic feelings for him… So why did I just do that? Gaaaaaaahhhh…"_

While Sasori was mulling this over, something; or shall I say some**BODY **ran into him.

"Oi! Watch we're you're going, jackass!" The person shouted, in a very deep voice.

Sasori gritted his teeth, and yelled back, "I don't have time to argue with you, asshat! Now **GET LOST!!!**"

The person went quiet. Sasori looked at the person, to see a man about Deidara's height. He had long, brown hair which went down to his back. He had deep jade eyes, and was wearing an Iwagakure forehead protector on his arm. He raised an eyebrow, and said, "Who the hell are you, jackass?"

Sasori smirked at him, and said, "I'm Raisos, asshat. And you?"

He smirked right back at him. "Cute nickname. Oh, and I am Renji."

Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Y'know, I know a dude also named Renji…"

"Aa." Renji gave a small response reply, and tossed his hair back. "Anyways… So, I best be off…"

"Indeed."

"Aa."

"Mm."

"Hm…"

"Aa."

"Yeah."

"U-huh."

"Look, I really have to be going now…"

"Indeed you do."

"… You truly are a jackass…"

"Same with you… Asshat."

The two men glared at each other, and walked off in the directions they were originally heading. Sasori glared at him when he walked off, and muttered under his breath, "Asshat…"

"I heard that, goddamn it!!"

Sasori sped off down the road. Renji rolled his eyes, and walked off.

…

Deidara was done running from his Danna, and was now walking around the park. He was thinking over what just happened.

"_Ahh! Ok Deidara, CALM DOWN, un. He's probably drunk… Or delirious, un. Yeah, he's delirious, un… He just woke up. He probably lost some brain cells, un…" _Deidara sighed deeply, and let the wind blow his hair back. He looked sadly at the floor, and thought to himself, _"Even if Sasori no Danna was delirious, un… I couldn't help but…" _Deidara bit his lip, shut his eyes tightly, and shook his head. _"No! I won't admit it, un! Not now, NOT EVER, un!"_

"Deidara?"

Deidara looked up to see Sasori standing in front of him.

"…Danna? What are you doing here, un?"

"I came looking for **YOU, **brat. Don't run off like that."

Deidara stuck out his bottom lip, and Sasori sighed deeply. "Deidara, you actually had me **worried**, and that's saying something."

Deidara raised an eyebrow at Sasori, who just sat next to him. Sasori looked at the ground, and looked deep in thought. Deidara said gently, "Danna… Is something wrong, un?"

Sasori took a deep breath in. He couldn't believe he was saying this, but…

"Deidara…" He began slowly, putting his hands by his side. "I'm… Sorry about what happened. I dunno what came over me… Oh, and you better accept this apology, or I will personally make sure your life is hell…"

Deidara smiled, and pushed a hand up to Sasori's lips. "Sasori no Danna… I know what you're trying to say, un. And thank you, un."

Sasori smiled slightly at Deidara, and said slowly, "So… You're not angry?" Deidara grinned madly, and yelled, "NOT AT ALL, UN!!!"

Deidara clamped his hands over his mouth, and laughed nervously.

"Eheheh…"

Sasori coughed twice, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah… So… You used to go here as a kid?"

Deidara's eyes brightened slightly, and said, "Yeah! This was my favorite place to go, un! Wanna see, un? Huh?" Deidara grabbed Sasori's hand, and dragged his older partner along, creating a awkward barrier between Sasori and Deidara, but not the same for Deidara and Sasori. Deidara was humming the "Star Wars" theme again, and Sasori was feeling all of the blood rising to his face. Deidara pointed to a large tree, and said, "I used to climb that thing when I was younger, un!" Sasori nodded slightly, and looked down at his hand.

"_He's __**ACTUALLY**__ holding my hand…"_

Deidara smiled happily, and turned to Sasori, who was smiling lightly at him. Sasori said slowly, "Deidara… You do know what I'm thinking…"

Deidara looked at his Danna strangely. "I do, un?"

Sasori looked up, somewhat nervously. "Do you mind?"

Deidara, choosing to beat him to it, pushed his lips up to Sasori's. Sasori went rigid for a moment, but then relaxed as the wind blew into them.

**Wow… This chapter sucked. I'm so sorry! The ending SUCKS! I failed you, Tashy! cries And loyal readers! I'm so sorry! Sorry! begs for forgiveness**

**- Love from a very sad aBoOm-Un**


	5. Love Is In The Air, Along With An Asshat

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part V**_

**Recap: After Sasori kissed him, Deidara ran off. When Sasori began to follow him, Kiara-Belle stopped him, and it turns out Kiara-Belle knows that Deidara is a guy, and who they are. She doesn't care, and wants Deidara to stab Renji instead of poke him, much to Sasori's surprise. Sasori, while looking for Deidara, ran into another guy also called Renji, who he argued with for a bit. When Sasori found Deidara, they made up.**

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own. If I did, Deidara would be ALL MINE.**

**Disclaimer II: So sorry this chapter took a bit to come out. My USB screwed up, meaning I lost ALL my stories, so I had Writers Block, and I was really pissed off.**

**Warning! Boom makes hand-signs… CHEAP-FILLER-CHAPTERS-NO JUTSU!!!**

_By aBoOm-Un_

Deidara let out a contented sigh, and fell back onto Sasori's wooden chest. He shut his eyes peacefully, and ran a hand over the redhead's torso. He then looked up at Sasori, who had his eyes shut, and was leaning against the bedpost.

"Sasori no Danna, un?"

Sasori wearily opened his eyes. "Hmm?"

"Why am I lying on you, un?"

Sasori shrugged slightly, and then said, "It's comfy, I s'pose…"

"Hmmm… What would happen if a person walked in on us, un?"

"By a 'person' you mean Kiara-Belle, eh?"

"Noooooooo, I mean Renji, un…"

Sasori looked seriously at his partner. "Why would Renji walk in on us, anyway? He's totally wasted…"

Deidara smirked slightly, and said slowly, "I forgot about that, un…" Sasori simply smirked at him.

"What the hell are you smirking about, un?!" Deidara pouted, slamming a fist on Sasori's chest. Sasori winced slightly, and snapped, "Don't do that, you idiot."

"Why, un? Why, Sasori no Danna, do you feel pain? I never knew that…"

Sasori frowned at him, and said, "Well, now you do…" Deidara grinned, and poked Sasori hard in the neck.

"Gah! What the hell, Deidara?!" Sasori shouted, rubbing his neck hastily. "Of **COURSE** it hurts to poke me in the neck, you bloody idiot!!"

The blonde began to giggle hysterically, shutting his eyes, rolling backwards. When he opened his eyes again to see Sasori's face, he cracked into absolute hysterics, laughing so hard he fell backwards off the bed.

"Ow! Goddammit, un!"

Sasori laughed evilly, and said, "That's what you get, you freakin' idiot!"

Deidara propped his arms up onto the bed, and raised an eyebrow at Sasori. He then sighed loudly, and threw his head back, hand up next to his forehead. "Oh, I'm SO weak, un! I wish I wasn't such a woman!" He shouted hysterically, waving his free arm around in the air. Sasori's smirk dropped, and he said slowly, "What the **hell**, Deidara!?"

Deidara screamed, "YOU ARE MEAN, SASORI, UN! CUSSING ISN'T NESSICARY, YOU STUPID GIT, UN! AND NEITHER IS SHOUTING!"

"…"

"DON'T USE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME, UN!!!" Deidara screamed uselessly, putting on a 'victim' act. Sasori blinked twice.

"Deidara, you're the one who is shouting…"

Deidara shut his mouth in a hurry, and climbed back onto Sasori's chest. "I'm sleepy, un…"

_Knock knock!_

Sasori, not even bothering for Deidara to get off of him first, rolled off the bed, Deidara falling with a splat to the floor.

"**GODDAMMIT, UN!!!"**

Sasori looked back, and smirked at the grumbling blonde, who was lying on the floor. He opened the door, to see Kiara-Belle standing there, a pen in her mouth, three scrolls in her arms, her glasses knocked anew and hanging off her nose, while balancing a vase on her head. She said quickly in a distorted tone, "Can I come in?"

Sasori nodded quickly, and stepped to one side, where Kiara-Belle slammed all the scrolls on Deidara's unoccupied bed.

"Bloody hell!" She exclaimed loudly, rolling her shoulders. "Those bloody scrolls are so BLOODY annoying!"

Sasori blinked twice, and Deidara (who had gotten his toothpick back) sat up, his toothpick wiggling in his teeth. Kiara-Belle looked at them, and said in confused tone, "What? What the hell is your problem, guys?! Haven't you ever seen a chick cuss before?"

Deidara grinned, and said, "Ne, Makoto-chan cusses a lot, un! Doesn't she, Sasori no Danna, un?" Sasori groaned loudly, and shut his eyes tightly.

"Makoto-**chan **should keep to **healing**, like a good girl does…"

"Ne, ne, but Makoto-chan is a great fighter with weapons, un! But, why does she have that flower in her hair, un?"

"Because Makoto-chan wants to keep people mistaking her for a man…"

"Noooo, Makoto-chan is a chick, because of her blue hair, un!"

"… Kisame has blue hair too…"

"Makoto-chan **likes **Kisame-san, un! I know it!"

While Sasori and Deidara debated over Makoto's feelings, Kiara-Belle sat back, a blank expression on her face. She coughed twice, and said, "Errr… Guys?"

Sasori and Deidara looked at Kiara-Belle, and said simultaneously, "Yeah?"

"Un?"

"Errr… Do you wanna do something? I'm so bored…" Kiara-Belle said nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. Deidara grinned at her, while Sasori simply shrugged.

"Meh. What the hell."

…

Kiara-Belle and Deidara were whispering to each other again, and were giggled. Sasori rolled his eyes, and hissed at Deidara, "For gods' sake, you brat… Act like a **MAN.**" Deidara looked at Sasori, and let out a fake gasp, and put a hand up to his chest.

"I am a **WOMAN**, un!"

Sasori just resisted the urge to whack his head against the wall. **THIS **was a mission?! Listening to a girl and a transvestite gossip and giggle?!

As they walked along, Deidara ran into a body. "Hey!" He cried, pushing the body back. When Sasori saw who it was, he let out a screech…

"**ASSHAT**!"

"**JACKASS!**" Renji cried, raising his arms. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Sasori snorted, and tossed his head back. "I'm just hanging with Seiya and KB. Why are you here?"

Renji grinned, his long brown hair falling into his eyes. "I'm just chillin'… And, how did an ugly fag like you get such lovely chicks?"

Deidara's face dropped slightly, and he glared at Renji. "He's not an ugly old fag!" When Renji raised an eyebrow, Deidara wrapped his arms around him, and hissed, "He's **MY** ugly old fag, for your information, un. My brother rocks, un."

Sasori smirked at Deidara, who was now hanging off his neck. Deidara smirked in triumph, and said, "Raisos-niisan rocks, un! Ne, KB-san, un?" When Deidara looked at Kiara-Belle, she was blushing madly, and playing with a bit of her hair.

"I… Uh… Uh…" She stuttered, blushing, pushing her pointer fingers together. Deidara and Sasori noticed this, and Deidara snickered.

"Sooo… What's his name, Raisos-niisan, un?" Deidara queried, looking at Sasori. Sasori smirked.

"He is asshat, master of dickheadery."

"I'm Renji…" Renji cut in, his brown eyes flashing dangerously at Sasori. Sasori gulped slightly, sweating. Deidara grinned, and said, "Ok, you're Renji. I know a dude called Renji, un…"

"Yeah, Renji is a popular name here in Iwagakure, shockingly. It's…"

"Gay, un!" Deidara shouted, grinning happily. "That's what you were gonna say, wasn't it, un?"

Renji glared at Deidara. "NO. I was gonna say, it was quirky."

Deidara anime-sweat dropped, and stepped away. "Yeah… That's also what I meant, un…"

Renji continued glaring at him, but then smiled at Kiara-Belle, and said, "So, why are **YOU **with the jackass?"

Kiara-Belle choked out, "He's… M…My friend… Renji-san…"

Renji smiled, and tugged slightly on her hair. "Well, maybe you should hang with me, yo. You won't be disappointed." Kiara-Belle gasped, and clutched her chest. Suddenly…

…She collapsed on the floor. But, she was caught by…

…"R-Renji-s-san?" She croaked, clutching her chest. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Geez, talk about **HOPELESS, **un…" He murmured to Sasori, who nodded vigorously. Renji spun around to glare at them so quickly he could of gotten whiplash, and glared at them with such intensity that even Itachi would have cowered in fear of him.

Deidara and Sasori both sweatdropped and Sasori said nervously, "Errr… Seiya-neechan and I are OUT. Catcha."

And with that, Sasori and Deidara ran off, leaving a trail of dust behind them.

…

_**...MANY HOURS LATER...**_

Sasori and Deidara returned to the inn, Deidara holding many shopping bags, Sasori tentatively rubbing his shoulder, where he had carelessly received a punch when he kicked some dude who tried to hit on Deidara. Of course, they were pretending to be siblings… But still!

Deidara looked at Sasori, and grinned. "Hurting, Sasori no Danna, un?"

Sasori glared at the blonde. "Piss off…"

Deidara poked his tongue out at his Danna, and strolled into the building, only to see…

…Renji and Kiara-Belle lying on the small couch, canoodling away.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG, un!" Deidara screeched, dropping the shopping bags, and then putting his hand up to his eyes. Unfortunately, his palm-mouth started licking his eye, which made him scream even louder.

"**GAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Un!" **Deidara screeched, waving his hands wildly around. Sasori sighed loudly, and pulled Deidara's arm away from him, which coincidentally made him fall backwards, falling into Sasori's open arms. Deidara stopped screaming, and Sasori's eyes widened, then softened. Sasori, ignoring Renji and Kiara-Belle were in the room, leant in softly…

"WAIT A MOMENT!!!" Renji screeched, pulling himself away from Kiara-Belle, who looked disgruntled, and he pointed an accusing finger at Sasori. "I thought you guys were siblings!"

"Damn…" Sasori mumbled, letting go of Deidara.

**SPLAT.**

"Ack! Rais…"

"Don't be silly, **Seiya …"**

Kiara-Belle hastily said, "Naaah, they're always being close and touchy like this…" Kiara-Belle anime-sweatdropped, getting up off the couch, and pushing Deidara and Sasori to their room. "Trust me, Renji-sama!"

Deidara blinked twice, and hissed at her, "Renji-**sama**?! What did we miss while we were gone, un?"

"A lot! You nearly blew your cover, you freakin' idiots! Now, go into your room, and **STAY IN THERE!!!"** And with that, Kiara-Belle shoved Sasori and Deidara into their room, and slammed the door behind them. Sasori sighed, and slumped down against the door.

"Woman are pretty scary, y'know…"

"Is that why you like so called 'feminine' guys, un?"

Sasori's face dropped. "Are you purposely trying to insult yourself, Deidara?"

"How, un?"

Sasori, deciding to not even try to resist the urge, slammed his head into the door, over and over, while continuously muttering, "Crap… Crap… Crap…"

Deidara folded his arms, and giggled slightly, "So, do you think that Kiara-Belle and Renji are gonna get married, un?"

Sasori stopped whacking his head against the wall, and stared stupendously at Deidara.

"What. The. Hell? We're here to get Raijuu out, not be bloody **wedding **planners!!"

"But I wanna plan a wedding once in my life, un!"

Sasori shouted at the bewildered blonde, "You can plan **OUR **wedding, I don't care! Just **SHUT UP!!!" **

Deidara and Sasori stared at each other for a minute or two, until Deidara went slightly pink, and Sasori walked stiffly away, muttering under his breath, "I didn't mean it, you brat…"

Deidara blinked twice, but then slightly smiled at Sasori's retreating back, and said softly, "You didn't mean it then, un?"

Sasori suddenly stopped in his tracks. He spun around, gulped slightly, his Adam's Apple quivering slightly. He then gulped, and said strongly, "Of course I didn't mean it, you brat. Why the hell would I ever even **CONSIDER **marriage?"

Deidara smiled softly, and said, "Because what if it made you feel happier inside, un?"

"Happiness is just a word, Deidara."

"Then why do I feel it when I'm with you, un?"

Sasori stared at Deidara, his eyes wide. Deidara crooned, "… Mmmm, yeah. I feel happy when I'm with you, Sasori no Danna, un. Do you feel happy with me, un?"

Sasori frowned, "Don't ask stupid questions, Deidara…" Sasori then muttered something under his breath. Deidara didn't hear it, but Sasori knew he said it.

"_Of course I do…"_

…

Deidara woke with a sudden gasp. His forehead was covered in cold sweat, and his heart was thumping painfully. He ran a hand over his forehead, and sweat dripped down onto his fingers.

"_Sasori no Danna…"_

Deidara's head spun to look at his red-head partner. Sasori frowned slightly in his sleep, and rolled over onto one side, and he mumbled something illegible. Deidara smiled slightly at his partner. It was nice to see Sasori no Danna like this; just relaxing, not working, just at peace. Deidara rolled out of bed, and crept past Sasori, and into the bathroom. AS he turned the shower taps, a hot steam came pouring out, and filled the room. Deidara climbed in, and let his thoughts wander. Soon after, Deidara climbed out, and wrapped one of the fluffy white towels around him. He sighed, and looked into the large mirror above the sink. As his blue eyes saw his reflection, he looked sadly at himself.

"_What have I become?"_

He exhaled, and stared down into the shining sink. Sasori mumbled some more in his sleep, and rolled over once more. Deidara smiled softly at him, and pulled a t-shirt on, along with some pants. He loved times like this; when he could hear his thoughts, and didn't have to dress up as a woman. He sat on the day-bed, and stared out the window, looking up at the moon. The moon was very big, and it was full. He gazed up into it, and caught his reflection in the window. His sapphire eyes were sparkling slightly, and his face was relaxed. He flopped down onto the day-bed, and out the corner of his eye, he saw his toothpick lying on his bed-side table. He quickly sat up, and grabbed it. He popped in his teeth, and chewed ferociously on it. It splintered, and Deidara cussed mentally, and pulled it out of his mouth. He poked his tongue out, and looked at the splinters in it. He groaned quietly.

"Need some help, Deidara?" An amused voice came from next to him. Deidara looked beside him to see Sasori standing beside him, a smirk on his face.

Deidara smirked. "Yeah, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes amusedly, and sat down on the day-bed next to Deidara. "C'mere, you stupid idiot."

Deidara rolled his eyes, and poked his tongue out at Sasori. Naturally, Deidara was surprised when Sasori reached out and grabbed his tongue.

"Hmmph!" Deidara 'said' in surprise, trying to pull away.

"Stop it, you dumbass. You want to get them out, or what?" Sasori gently began to pull some splinters out of Deidara's tongue. Deidara's eyes widened in surprise, and said in shock, "Hmmmmmmmmoph?"

Sasori rolled his eyes in annoyance, and slightly snapped, "What did you expect me to do, French or summat?" Deidara let out an illegible noise that sounded between a giggle and a stammer, and went pink. Sasori groaned, and pulled one splinter out ferociously.

Deidara pulled away, spat twice, and snapped, "Ow! What the hell, un?

Sasori snapped back, "I'm trying to help you, brat! Now, **STOP SQUIRMING..!"**

Deidara pulled back, and Sasori leant forward, hand reaching out. Deidara fell backwards onto the wall, and Sasori crashed into him, his eyes widening in surprise.

Sasori pulled back, and they both stared at each other…

…But then leant in and kissed each other again.

And then three times.

Four times.

But no more than four.

Sasori and Deidara smiled lightly at each other, and Sasori fell back onto the day-bed, Deidara relaxing his head on his chest, like earlier on today. Deidara said softly, "Sasori no Danna, un?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't wanna seduce Renji, un…"

"And I don't want you to, Deidara!" Sasori said suddenly, pinning Deidara up against the wall. Sasori had a look in his eyes which said, _"I'm possessive and manly."_

Deidara noticed this, and said hastily, "Err, Sasori no Danna, un… Maybe we should get some sleep, and be prepared for what's gonna happen tomorrow, un? 'Cause we should do it tomorrow, un…"

Sasori's grip on Deidara slackened, and his face dropped. "Fine. Let's get to sleep, Deidara."

Sasori climbed off the day-bed, and walked over to his bed, when Deidara said meekly, "Danna?"

Sasori turned around and looked at him. "Mm?"

"…I had a bad nights sleep. Can I share with you?"

Sasori was silent for a moment, but then said, "…Sure."

Sasori and Deidara climbed into Sasori's bed, and Deidara unconsciously moved towards the closest warm object in his sleep.

…Sasori would never admit it, but he enjoyed Deidara lying next to him…

* * *

**Hmmm… I enjoyed writing this chapter. Lotsa Saso/Dei fluff. Squee. Makes up for the horrendous last chapter… -shudders-**

**I really enjoyed this chapter. I hope you did too! I just really enjoyed the fluff… Oh yeah, what really sparked my fluff engine was the following songs:**

** To Be With You (Mr. Big)**

** Scar Tissue (Red Hot Chilli Peppers)**

** Andy, You're A Star (The Killers)**

** Somebody Told Me (The Killers)**

**Oh yeah, anybody noticed that in Somebody Told Me, the lyrics go,**

"**Well somebody told me  
You had a boyfriend  
Who looked like a girlfriend  
That I had in February of last year…"**

**Nyahaha… I love it. Love always,**

**-aBoOm-Un**


	6. The Truth Is Revealed!

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part VI**_

**Recap: Sasori, Deidara, and Kiara-Belle went out when they were bored, and they ran into Renji, or affectionately known as 'asshat' by Sasori. Sasori and Deidara left Kiara-Belle and Renji alone for a bit, and when they came back, they were a item. Deidara asked Sasori whether he cared about him, to which Sasori didn't respond, but he did. Later that night, Deidara woke up, and began thinking about his new-found feelings and 'relationship' with Sasori. Meanwhile, he gets his toothpick, but chews on it too hard and gets splinters. Sasori wakes up, and helps Deidara get the splinters out of his tongue, after a bit of arguing. After that, they share some time together, and they went up sharing the same bed (No smut, you perverts! xD)**

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own ANYTHING in this story, except for Boom, KB, Renji and Renji. I don't own my cousin. -coughNEJIcough-**

**Disclaimer II: Writers Block has GONE! Now I can work freely again! Yosh! Oh yeah, and 'What a sexy beast™' by Gabby S, my bestie.**

_By aBoOm-Un _

Deidara mumbled in his sleep, and snuggled up to the warm object in his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes, to see Sasori lying next to him, frowning slightly at him. "Y'know, you should **really **be less touchy, Deidara. You must have kicked me, what was it… 25 times in your sleep? Not funny, y'know."

Deidara yawned, and rubbed his eyes. "Hmmm, sorry Sasori no Danna, un. I move a lot, un…"

Sasori smirked slightly at his dumb partner, and kissed him softly on the cheek. "God, you're annoying."

Deidara giggled slightly, and smiled at Sasori. "Today's the day, un."

"…Yeah." Deidara sighed deeply, and looked Sasori straight in the eye.

"I don't wanna do this either, Sasori no Danna, un. But, do I have a choice, un? Nope. So, maybe we should just get it over with, un…"

"At least enjoy one more day here, Deidara." Sasori cut in, looking straight at Deidara. Deidara eyed him suspiciously, and said, "Why do you wanna stay here, un?"

Sasori sighed, and stared out the window. "Dunno. This place has a lot of memories now."

"Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike, un?" Deidara crooned, placing a hand on Sasori's shoulder. Sasori didn't respond at first. He just continued to stare out the window, but then sighed, and smiled lightly at Deidara.

"Dunno. It just does." Deidara smiled at him, and nodded his head in response. He then rested his head on Sasori's shoulder, and laughed softly.

"Danna, you never answered my question, un."

"Hnuh?" Sasori turned wildly around to look at Deidara, who was grinning. Sasori's eyes widened dangerously, and hissed, "Do I need to tell or say, **lackey**?"

"No reas… Wait, what the hell do you mean, '**LACKEY'**, un?!?!" Deidara screeched, pointing at Sasori. Sasori smirked in reply, and gazed off into the distance, humming a light tune under his breath. Deidara gritted his teeth, and screeched, "YOU'RE GOING **DOWN**, FOOL!" Deidara lunged at Sasori (who was now laughing his ass off) and tackled him. Deidara sat on Sasori's chest, his eyes blazing. Sasori was laughing his ass off, and Deidara suddenly poked him in the neck. **HARD.**

"**GODDAMMIT, DEIDARA!!!" **Sasori yelled angrily, rubbing his neck. Deidara giggled, and poked once more in the neck. Sasori grabbed his finger, and flipped Deidara around, who Sasori was now sitting on, his eyes wide and gleaming evilly. Deidara stopped grinning, and his face froze. Sasori finally noticed the position they were in. Sasori was straddling Deidara's chest, and he had his hands on Deidara's shoulders. Sasori was leaning close to Deidara, who was simply lying there, barely moving. Sasori and Deidara both went pink to red at the same time.

"So… We should get changed, un…"

"You're right…"

Sasori climbed off of Deidara, and went over to the wardrobe. He pulled out a pair of blue pants and a black t-shirt, and snapped slightly at Deidara, "Are you gonna change, or are you gonna stand there, gawking at me when I get changed, you brat?!"

Deidara smirked. "Can I do both, un?"

Sasori went red, and gritted his teeth. _"Damn him to hell…"_

Deidara poked his tongue out, and huffed, "Fine, fine. Have it your way, un." Deidara walked over to the closet, and pulled on a pair on a pair of khaki shorts, along with a silver top. Sasori glared at Deidara, who yawned, and said, "I'm hungry. I'm getting breakfast of Kiara-Belle-san, un. Catcha later, Sasori no Danna, un."

"O-okay." Deidara walked out of the door, pulling it shut behind him. Sasori sighed deeply, and slid down against the wardrobe. _"God, I need a break from trauma…" _Sasori pulled on the pants and tee, and walked out the door, to see Deidara and blonde-haired Renji standing in the hallway, chatting like good buddies. Sasori narrowed his eyes, but put on a fake smile, and said loudly, "Renji-san! I haven't seen you in a bit!"

Renji raised a golden eyebrow. "I saw you two days ago, Raisos-san…"

Sasori anime-sweatdropped. Deidara's face dropped. Renji looked confused. "Errr… It felt like an eternity not seeing you Renji-san, un..." Deidara mumbled, putting his hands behind his back. Renji's amber eyes brightened, and he knelt down in front of Deidara, and kissed his hand.

"Oh, Seiya-chan… You have **NO **idea how painful it was without you, my darling…" Renji crooned, planting kisses up Deidara's arm. Deidara cringed slightly, but let out a forced (yet realistic) giggle, and blushed. Sasori glared at Renji, but he also glared at Deidara.

"_Wait… What did Deidara do?"_

"_**He liked it…"**_

"_It was an act…"_

"_**But he liked it…"**_

"_Why do I care so much about an act?"_

"_**Because seeing Deidara in another man's arms is just too much to bear?"**_

Sasori couldn't answer his own question. Yes, he had grown accustom to Deidara's 'love' for him, but… The question was… Did he return it? Was it worth it?

"_**Can you live without him?"**_

****

Sasori bit his lip. He couldn't imagine what life would be like without his 'lackey'… No… Lackey isn't the word.

"_**How about, 'love-muffin'? Or sexy beast?"**_

"_Quiet, you!!"_

Sasori frowned. He swore, sometimes he didn't even know who he was…

…

When Renji gave Deidara one final kiss and walked off, Deidara turned to face Sasori. Deidara couldn't say a word however, because Sasori had smacked his lips onto his own. Deidara, half in shock, half in ecstasy, groaned quietly and leant into Sasori, who pulled away, and let Deidara rest his head on his chest.

"Goddammit Deidara, at least **pretend **that you didn't enjoy it…"

"Why, un?"

Sasori stayed silent. Deidara opened his mouth for a response, but Sasori captured his lips in his own once more, and Deidara just melted. It was romantic, passionate, yet somehow waffy at the same time…

"_Kinda like the movies Makoto-chan lends from the video store…"_

Deidara sighed in pleasure, and pulled away from Sasori. Sasori looked upset when he pulled away, but smiled at Deidara lovingly. Deidara smiled right back at him, and said, "What was that for, un? Special occasion, or summat, un?" Sasori frowned slightly, but then smiled again.

"_Why isn't he talking to me?" _Deidara's heart dropped.

"_What if he wants to…? Break up? SPLOMG! He wouldn't!"_

Deidara gasped, and took a step back from Deidara. Sasori raised an eyebrow. "What? I don't have herpes, Deidara…"

"I didn't think you had herpes, un!" Deidara squeaked, blushing furiously. "Why aren't you talking to me, un?"

Sasori blinked twice. "I just did, though…"

"BUT YOU SAID SOMETHING THAT WAS OOC FOR YOU, UN!!!" Deidara wailed, waving his arms about. Sasori anime-sweatdropped and grabbed Deidara's arm.

"Deidara, stop that…"

"Nay, un!" NEIN!!!"

Sasori began to bribe Deidara with trinkets and tit-bits galore, but Deidara was still freaking out.

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Sasori threw a diamond-studded collar on the floor, along with a drawing of a key, a universal remote, a woman's fur coat, a red, smoking envelope, a flower, dying little girl, and a sparrow, as well as a chest full of Mako, and an oversized sword.

Sasori wailed loudly, "I'll give you a **lap-dance **even, just **PLEASE, **shut up!!!"

Deidara stopped wailing, and Sasori stopped trying to bribe him. Deidara stared at Sasori, who started to sweat. Deidara grinned evilly. "Is it still too late to get that lap-dance, Sasori no Danna, un?"

Now, this was awkward. It was probably the first time in Sasori's life when he so badly got a nosebleed he passed out and stayed out cold for about 3 hours, and it was also when Deidara **finally **won over his Danna, in anything. (For that, he danced about the time Sasori was out cold, told Kiara-Belle, both Renji's, and three poor old dears that just happened to be passing by when a very masculine young lady came charging out of an alleyway building and began dancing with them. Also, the young lady had **mouths **on her **HANDS. **That successfully knocked out one, made another run in fear, her pants (which looked like they were made out of rubber) squelching slightly (making Deidara recoil in horror) and made one try to bring Deidara back to her house (For that, Deidara let out a high-pitched scream, ran in circles, grabbed a baseball bat, and smashed the poor old dear over the head, when she **actually **just wanted to ask Deidara to come back to her house for some tea and cookies, which just so happened to be Deidara's favorite kind, triple choc chip with a double white-chocolate glaze, which he later found out, much to his dismay.)

When Sasori woke up three hours later, Kiara-Belle was comforting Deidara, who was wailing loudly and illegibly, (However, Sasori caught on a couple of words, such as 'old lady', 'squelch' and 'cookie'.) Sasori groaned, and rubbed his head. "God… What happened? Where am I?"

"You got a nosebleed, and you fainted from blood losssssssssssss!" Kiara-Belle giggled, rubbing Deidara's back, who was still wailing over his lost cookie. She then crooned to Deidara, "Shhh its ok… I'll make some cookies for you later…"

"IT'S NOT THE SAME, UN!" Deidara screeched, slamming his head against the bedside table. Sasori rolled his eyes, and groaned, "Deidara, it isn't that bad…"

"BUT IT IS, UN!!!" He shrieked, putting his head in his hands. Sasori gritted his teeth, and pulled Deidara into an embrace. Deidara hiccupped, wiped his eyes, and grinned. Sasori's face dropped.

"Oh… **FUC**…"

"**SASORI NO DANNA, UN!!!"**

Deidara squeezed Sasori, much to both Sasori and Kiara-Belle's horror. Kiara-Belle quickly squeezed her nose, and ran out of the room in a hurry, while Sasori attempted to push Deidara off of him.

"You're **choking **me!!! Get off, brat!"

"I love you too, un!"

Sasori stopped trying to push Deidara away, as Deidara's words replayed over and over in his head.

"_I love you too!"_

Now, it had been **AGES **since Sasori heard those words… The last time he heard it was when he was when he was just a boy, when his parents weren't puppets…

…Well, turned into puppets. Yet.

He sighed, and many thoughts ran through his head. One thought to tell him the same back, one to reject him and get on with life, and one to (strangely enough) steal his cookies… Sasori sighed. It was **FAR **too risky to do anything. So, he just simply pushed Deidara off of him, and brushed off invisible dirt, a habit of Sasori's whenever he's nervous. Sasori laughed nervously, and said, "Errr… Deidara, shouldn't we do some stuff before you… Errr… 'Face your destiny'?" Deidara grinned, and said chose his words slowly, but carefully.

"Do you wanna spend the day with me, Sasori no Danna, un?"

Sasori rolled his eyes, and said, "Do I care?"

Deidara pouted, "You're s'posed to, un!"

"…Damn you and your crazy logic…"

Deidara grinned, knowing he had won. Sasori sighed deeply, and said, "Fine. Let's go." Deidara beamed, and took Sasori's hand into his own, and pulled him out of the door.

…

Sasori had to admit it, he had lots of fun today. Deidara had first off pulled him away to walk in the old park he loved as a child, which lead the Iwa nin breaking down in the middle of the park, sobbing over his lost childhood innocence, which left Sasori getting disgusted looks from passersby, even when he was hastily patting him on the back. Sasori ended up having to hug him (In **PUBLIC**, people!!) which lead to Deidara snuggling up to him, which resulted in Sasori pushing the Iwa nin away, making him put on a 'victim' act, leading to breaking down (once more) in the park, making Sasori actually have to **KISS **him, which created a **LOT **of strange looks from passersby. Some said, "Awww…," some hit their boyfriends over the head, and others cringed.

**("Either way, Boom wanted some more kissy action, ****oh yesh… -drools-")**

Anyway, that didn't matter, because Sasori and Deidara were both back in their hotel room. Deidara, after the toothpick incident, had tried to get splinters again (For obvious reasons… -cough-) but Sasori threw the toothpick out of the window, but kissed him anyways, because…

**("…Sasori wanted some luvin' and so did Boom, oh yesh…" Boom licked her lips, tore her eyes away from her laptop, and smirked at Sasori and Deidara, who were currently playing poker in the middle of her bedroom. Sasori said blankly, "Pink carpet, Boom? You truly are on crack…" Boom grinned, and said, "I chose it when I was 5 years old, dreamboat." Boom batted her eyelashes, only to be blown up for the good of the Earth by Deidara 2 seconds later…**

**-cough-)**

Sasori saw the indescribable look of sadness on Deidara's face when he chucked it out of the window, and he didn't want Deidara to go all crying on him again, like he did 2 days ago.

**("When Sasori and Deidara first got to**** Iwagakure!" Boom shouted, slamming the laptop shut. Sasori and Deidara winced, and soon after, Deidara sighed, and put his cards down. "Hahahah… Redeem and strip, Seiya…" Sasori smirked at Deidara who started fuming, and he pulled off his shirt.**

"**Burn in hell, un…")**

Deidara flopped onto his bed, and reached for his toothpick once more. He sniffed, but then grabbed a flower from the coffee table, and popped it into his mouth. Sasori raised an eyebrow, but then sighed, and rolled off of his bed, and walked over to Deidara. "Take it out of your mouth, brat."

"No way, un! Since you threw away my toothpick, I need a substitute, un!"

"You don't need to chew on **ANYTHING**, you freakin' loon! So, **TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!!"**

"Nein, Sasori no Danna, un!"

"You're not GERMAN, so don't speak it! Do I have to wrestle the flower out of your mouth?"

"Hm… You raise a fine point there, Sasori no Danna, un. And the answer is… Yes, you do. Un." Deidara grinned, and crooned, "Or are you afraid, un?" He poked his tongue out at Sasori, and pulled his top slightly down his shoulder. When Sasori gave him the strangest look he could muster, he began to laugh so hard he knocked the wind out of himself, and fell off the bed, to proceed to roll on the floor with laughter. Sasori glared at Deidara with an intense force, to which Deidara responded with poking his tongue out.

"You have a horrible mind, Deidara…"

"I know, un… Nyahaha…" Sasori's face dropped, and he swayed slightly on the spot.

"I think I'm gonna puke…"

**("Like I did on Jetstar!" Boom squealed, getting strange looks from her classmates. Boom looked over at Tashy's computer, to see pictures of all the Naruto characters. Alex was chatting with the guys, and Gabby was frowning at her screen with killer intent. –coughcough-)**

Sasori's knees buckled, and he slid onto the floor, face down. The bomb master raised a fine eyebrow, and giggled slightly. "You're so silly, un!"

Sasori collapsed onto the floor, groaning slightly. Deidara sighed, crouched down besides him, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Sasori no Danna… You overreact so much, un. RELAX." Deidara said softly. He gently touched Sasori's (**Handsome!) **face, and crooned, "You'll get wrinkles."

Sasori smiled lightly, and sat up. He lightly kissed him on the cheek, and said with concern, "Are you sure you want to do this, Deidara? We could always reconsider…"

Deidara stopped him in his sentence. "Sasori no Danna, I can do this. Don't worry." Sasori smiled at him, and uttered some words both of them never expected him to say…

"…I… I l-love you, Deidara."

…

Deidara couldn't speak. He opened his mouth, but absolutely nothing came out. He stared at Sasori, who was smiling at him. Deidara managed to get out, "D-Danna… I… Y-You… What?"

Sasori smiled, he seemed more confident that he had said it once now. "Deidara, did you catch it the first time, or what? I love you."

Deidara was still in shock, but his mouth curved into a wide smile. "Sasori no Danna… I… I love you too, un. I never thought you'd ever say that, un." Sasori smirked at him, and punched him on the arm.

"Who do you take me for? Itachi?"

Deidara laughed, and squeezed him slightly. "Hmm… You seemed like it, though, un."

Sasori's smile dropped, and he glared at Deidara, who grinned sheepishly, and hugged him a bit tighter. "Do you **WANT **me to suffocate?"

"N-No! Never, un!"

"…Then let go."

Deidara reluctantly let go of Sasori, and folded him arms. "So, what now?" Sasori sighed deeply.

"We wait until nightfall. That's when you'll strike."

"I'm the crouching tiger, and your hidden dragon, un?!"

"…Sure, whatever." Deidara absolutely beamed. His face then dropped.

"What do I have to do, un?"

"…" Sasori didn't respond. Deidara's heart sank to the floor.

"So… I have to… Like, y'know, un… Do… _that_?" Sasori must've choked on his own spit, because he gasped in horror, and then the next thing Deidara knew, was that he was pinned up again the wall, Sasori holding him by the neck.

"WHAT?! Deidara, don't even **DARE **think like that!!!" Sasori shouted into his face. Deidara stared at him in shock, and then Sasori's face softened and he continued on a softer note.

"Deidara… I would never let that happen to you. Ever." Deidara smiled at him, and laughed lightly.

"Sasori no Danna… I'm gonna have to, un. There's no fighting fate is there, un?" Sasori sighed deeply, and looked at the floor.

"Deidara… I always imagined… That… Yeah… Y'know… _I_'d…"

Deidara raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He had no idea what Sasori was talking about.

**("BOOM IS ANGRY WITH DEIDARA!!!" Boom thundered, glaring at Deidara, then bursting into tears. Deidara raised an eyebrow, and took a worried glance at Sasori, who shrugged.)**

…

Sasori cleared his throat, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyways… Let's go out again. Enjoy ourselves… While we still can."

Deidara said softly, "You wanna spend that much time with me, Sasori no Danna?"

"…Yes."

That was all Sasori said. Deidara didn't mind though. He just wanted to spend time with Sasori. Because every moment with Deidara made him feel at peace…

…Until he remembered that he had to seduce a perverted weirdo 2 hours later. He shuddered, and took Sasori's hand in his.

"D-Danna…"

"Hm?"

"I… I don't wanna do this…"

Deidara was overcome by a strong feeling of sadness. Deidara leant slightly into Sasori, and buried his face in Sasori's chest. he shut his eyes tightly, and tried very hard to keep it all in…

…He failed miserably.

Deidara let out a whimper, and tears began to run freely down his face. "D-Danna! I-I… I c-can't do t-this… I-It's j-just too… Too…" He let out a wail, and began sobbing into Sasori's chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Sasori stiffened as Deidara wailed, but awkwardly wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him on the top of the head.

"Deidara… You don't have to do this…"

"B-But I do, un… I… I c-can't let t-the Akatsuki d-down, un…"

"Oh for **GOD**'s sake Deidara, I don't give a rat's ass about what the bloody Akatsuki think! If you don't want to, you don't have to!!!" Sasori shouted at Deidara, his hands firmly on his shoulders. He then swallowed, and said softly, "I never want you to be hurt, Deidara. **EVER. **I hate to see you suffer… It kills me. Literally. It makes me feel… It makes me feel as if a part of me died. Deidara, I don't think your understanding what I'm saying… I love you too much for this. I **DON'T **want you to do this. I want you and me… I want **us **to be happy, no matter what happens. Trust me." Sasori gently kissed Deidara's forehead. Deidara smiled lightly, and wiped a few remainders of tears from his eyes.

"Mmmm… Un." Sasori chuckled slightly.

"Poor darlin'. You need a sugar rush?" He said mockingly, folding his arms, and smirking. Deidara opened his mouth in happiness, but he then frowned.

"Hey! That's an **INSULT**, un!"

"…No kidding."

Deidara gave him a watery smile, and laughed softly. "You're so mean to me, un."

"I know that."

"…Shall we go, ma'am, un?"

"…YOU'RE the uke, yo."

"Heh…Wait, what do you mean, **I'M **the uke, un?!?"

"…Let's go, Deidara!"

Sasori took Deidara's hand and pulled him out of the door. Deidara opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it quickly.

…

As soon as Sasori and Deidara got out of the door, Sasori was hailed by Renji.

"Yo, Jackass. What chocolate does KB-chan like?"

"I dunno, asshat. Why would you ask me?"

"…Turkish Delight, un."

Renji's deep jade eyes widened, and he said cheerfully, "No way! I know where to get some great Turkish Delight, yo! Cheers, Seiya!"

Deidara grinned cheerfully, and Sasori frowned. "**YOU **keep flirting to KB, asshat."

Renji frowned. "What, you still wanna keep your **incest **act up, jackass?"

"…Yeah."

Renji blanched. "**YOU **sir, are a sick freak. Seiya, why do you put up with him? I mean, he's into **incest**, yo!"

Deidara frowned slightly. "I don't hate it, but I don't like it either, un."

Renji recoiled. "You people are FREAKS! Anyway, I'm out. Seiya, jackass… Catcha."

Renji walked off, strutting as he went. Deidara frowned slightly, and Sasori stuck his finger up at Renji.

"I hate you, asshat…" He muttered, waving the finger around at his back. Deidara frowned, and pulled Sasori out the door. He began to mutter, "You shouldn't do that, un…" But all of a sudden, Deidara had a weirdo standing in front of them.

…

"…Who the **bloody **hell are you?!" Sasori said heatedly, glaring at the girl in front of them. She had shortish-brown hair, and was wearing an orange, furry jacket.

"I am Stephanie!" She shouted with gusto. She then pointed at Deidara and Sasori dramatically. "And I request that you two make-out for a fanart!"

"Wha..? Oh, **HELL NO, **un!" Deidara shouted, a large blush spreading onto his cheeks. "Go spread your Yaoi love somewhere else!"

"…Damn. Oh well, there's always Gaara and Lee!" Stephanie said loudly, grinning wildly. She then turned to the waiting crowd behind her. "Sorry guys, no SasoDei!" She shouted, a sad look on her face, which soon turned to a large grin. "So now, we go get GaaraLee! Onwards, my loyal subjects! We attack at dawn!" A low rumble of "YOSH!" by the fangirls, and they all sprinted off into the sunset (which magically appeared) with many fangirl (and occasional boy) squeals. Sasori and Deidara both anime-sweatdropped simultaneously.

**("With Boom standing next to them!" Boom squealed, waving her hands madly, while reading SasoDei fics. Deidara leant over her shoulder, and said slowly, "So… You just threw your cousin into the story for no particular reason." Boom grinned, and said, "Yosh! Now…" –insert random Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango cameo here-)**

Inuyasha blinked twice, while holding Tessaiga. "What in bloody hell?!" He shouted, putting Tessaiga back into its sheath. Miroku took one look at Deidara, grinned, and all of a sudden, was by Deidara in a heartbeat, holding his hands.

"Young-lady-who-I-just-met, will you bear my children?" He said, his eyes sparkling. Deidara blinked, and opened his mouth in frustration, but Sasori cut in.

"**NO, **she bloody-hell **WON'T **bear your children, lech! So **GET LOST!!!" **Sasori shouted. However, Miroku was knocked out by Sango two seconds later by Hiraikotsu.

"That bastard!" Sango seethed, punching the air. "How **DARE **he come onto other women… When we're getting frickin' **MARRIED**, for God's sake…" Deidara sweatdropped, and before they could say anything more, Sasori had dragged Deidara off.

"For God's sake, where the hell are all these weirdoes's coming from, un?" Deidara seethed, grasping Sasori's hand tightly. Sasori shrugged, and squeezed Deidara's hand in return.

"Sasori no Danna… Just a question, am I like a girlfriend, or boyfriend to you?" Sasori raised an eyebrow, and began humming under his breath.

"_I know it sounds so old, but Cupid got me in a chokehold…" _Sasori hummed tonelessly under his breath. Deidara glared, and Sasori smirked at Deidara's response.

**(Boom sighed dreamily. "I love that song…" Deidara glared at Boom, and Sasori hid his face in his cloak, trying to stifle his laughter. "Who gets the joke?" Boom giggled, throwing a book at her brother Matt, who was playing guitar.)**

Deidara and Sasori walked in silence for a bit, until they reached a small bridge, which connected Iwagakure to a small park. The walkway was lined with Cherry Blossom trees, and small petals were flying everywhere. Deidara smiled gently, and said sadly, "This is so weird, un. This is gonna be a major turning point in my life…"

Sasori sighed. "No shit, Sherlock. You have to **seduce **a man." Deidara screwed up his face.

"You're s'posed to SUPPORT me through this, un!"

"… Oh. My. God. No way! I s'pose I also have to kiss your feet…"

"You bitch, un! I hope you burn in hell, un! I'll **KILL **you, you heathen sack of shit!!"

"I'll kill you too, darlin'. I'll kill you too."

"Wha..? Oh, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, un!"

"…Now you sound like Hidan."

_**Somewhere far, far away from your house…**_

Approximately 500 kilometers away, Hidan let out a large sneeze. "Bloody hell, who the hell is talking about me now?!" He seethed, glaring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu was sitting cross-legged on his bed, and seemed to be meditating.

"Deidara-chan… Deidara-chan…" He muttered under his breath, unconsciously licking his lips. Hidan grinned evilly.

"You gay, pissy faggot. You are **SUCH **a pussy."

* * *

Deidara sighed, and leant back onto the railing of the bridge. The wind blew his hair back, and Deidara stared up at the sky.

"I always thought you'd be my first, un." Sasori choked on his own spit.

"D-Deidara! I-I… N-Never… You… I… I…" Sasori went a deep shade of crimson, and felt himself feeling… Things he shouldn't be feeling, and we'll just leave it at that… Deidara wasn't blind. He could see Sasori's face slowing turning red, and he could see the discomfort in his eyes. And Deidara… He was likin' it…

Deidara lent up and kissed Sasori. As soon as Deidara kissed him, Sasori grabbed Deidara, and pushed him up against him. Deidara squeaked slightly, and pulled away from Sasori.

"D-Danna!"

"Hmm?" Sasori gave Deidara a somewhat smug look, and rested his forehead on Deidara's. "Y'know, you're really cute when you make noises like that." Sasori murmured, looking straight into Deidara's eyes. Deidara went a faint pink, and then frowned in embarrassment.

"Sasori no Danna! We're s'posed to be siblings, un!"

"Hmmm… I know."

Deidara gasped slightly, and took a step back. "Danna! You perv, un!"

"…Is there a problem with that?"

"…No."

"That's what I assumed, Deidara. Love, love, love." Sasori kissed him once on the cheek. Deidara smiled, and buried his face into Sasori's neck. Sasori looked back into the town.

"Deidara, it's 5 o'clock."

Deidara stiffened. "So… It's time, un?" Sasori simply nodded, a solemn look on his face. Deidara sighed, and looked at the floor.

"Just remember… I love you, Sasori no Danna."

"…Y…Yeah." Sasori mumbled, taking a sympathetic glance at Deidara. Deidara smiled weakly, and said in a watery voice, "I'll see you in a couple of hours… I'll see you back at the Inn…"

Before Sasori could say a word, Deidara had walked away, with a sweeping motion from his hand, back in the direction towards the Inn. Sasori sighed deeply, and continued to walk around.

"_**Damn… Deidara is such a sexy beast…"**_

"_What makes you say that?"_

"_**I'm just responding to your hormones, idiot."**_

"…_I have hormones? How come I wasn't informed of this earlier?"_

"_**How the hell am I s'posed to know? I'm YOU, idiot!"**_

"_You're… Me?"_

"_**I'm your conscious-thingy. Everybody has one."**_

Sasori rolled his eyes, but then sadly sighed.

"_May as well just go back to the Inn, block out noises from Renji shoving himself up Deidara's ass, and try to get some sleep before it's time to capture Raijuu…"_

Sasori exhaled, and slowly dragged his feet back to the Inn. As he walked into the inn, he refused to even acknowledge Kiara-Belle and Renji, whose jade eyes were narrowed at him. Renji then kissed Kiara-Belle on the forehead, but continued to glare at Sasori. When Sasori gave no response, Renji raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

Sasori trudged into his room. Sasori, looking at the floor, failed to notice Deidara, who was standing in front of him.

"Itai! Hm? Sasori no Danna, what are you doing back, un?" Deidara's eyes were wide. He was wearing a rather –ahem- low-cut v neck, and a mini-skirt, shockingly. Sasori gagged, and took 3 steps back. "Sasori no Danna? Are you alright, un?" Deidara said, his voice laced with concern.

Sasori choked out, "D-Deidara… Way to be the s-seductress… You look like a whore…"

Deidara grinned. "Good! That means no screwing around, un!" Sasori stiffly nodded, not saying a word.

"…I best be off, Sasori no Danna, un. Wish me luck, un!" Deidara gave Sasori a tight-lipped smile, and walked out of the doorway, straight past Sasori. Sasori looked back over his shoulder, and walked through the doorway. Sasori pulled the door shut behind him, and flopped down onto his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, and let his thoughts wander.

"_**How can you let the person you care about do this?"**_

"…"

"_**Answer me, bitch."**_

"_What would happen if I don't?"_

"_**I'd have to flood your mind with images that could make THE Uchiha Itachi faint."**_

"_Try me, bitch."_

Well, let's just say the next few scenes are a bit vivid, gross, and actually disturbing enough to send me into a coma. So, for your sanity and innocence, I will not tell you what 'Sasori' made Sasori see. Let's just say that Sasori screamed **very** loudly, and collapsed over 4 times, and we'll just keep it that, shall we?

After 15 minutes, Sasori finally stopped screaming, and fell backwards onto his bed, breathing heavily. Sasori blankly stared up at the ceiling, and thought back over the day.

"**You really didn't want him to do this, did you?"**

"…_What makes you say that?"_

"_**You've been stalling all day…"**_

_**("No, that's just Boom trying to drag out the chapter…")**_

"_Well, what do you expect me to say? No, I want Deidara to be practically __**raped **__by a freak?"_

"…_**You're a puppet, Sasori. You're not human… Not puppet… No emotions…"**_

"_Lies! Lies I say!"_

Sasori frowned. He looked over at the clock, which read 7:30pm. He let out a groan, and rolled over onto his side.

"_Five hours of nothingness…"_

* * *

Renji let out a lust-filled groan, as his mischievous hand drifted down. Deidara shut his eyes tightly, and let out a noise which sounded cross between a sob and a dying cat. He lifted Renji's shirt off his head, his golden hair plastered to his forehead. Renji shut his smouldering amber eyes, and kissed Deidara in a big, sloppy kiss. Deidara gagged as he felt Renji's tongue slide down his throat, but managed to keep from puking, and forcefully kissed him back.

"_You owe me __**BIG **__time, you shitcake of a leader…"_

As soon as Deidara pulled of Renji's shirt, he poked him in the bellybutton…

…Nothing happened.

Deidara's eyes widened. He poked him another 3 times in the bellybutton, and then wailed, "Why isn't Raijuu coming out, un?! Renji?!"

Renji, who was now pulled out of his 'sexy' mode, blinked, but then burst into laughter.

Renji propped himself up onto his elbows, and then giggled. "Seiya-chan, is that all you wanted? Because, I'm gonna have to make it up to you. I don't have Raijuu… You know Renji, who is with Kiara-Belle? **HE **has Raijuu. Not me."

* * *

…'**Cause I'm such an evil bitch. –insert maniac laughter here-**


	7. The End

_**My Danna's So Pretty: Part VII**_

_**THE FINAL PART!!!**_

**Recap: Sasori said "I love you" to Deidara, and Deidara discovered that the Akatsuki made him track down the wrong Renji. That's about it. (Despite the chapter being about 5,000 words long… -sweatdrop-)**

**Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody**

**Disclaimer I: Don't own ANYTHING in this story, except for the plotline, Boom, KB, Renji and Renji.**

_By aBoOm-Un _

Deidara couldn't speak. Deidara couldn't move. Hell, he couldn't even _breathe_. He stared incredulously at Renji, and after a minute or two, he managed to choke out, "W-Wrong p-p-_person_?!"

Renji nodded intently. "Yep. Everybody thinks that I'm the one who has Raijuu because I resemble the beast, but I'm not his host." He then laughed slightly. "Do you know how many ninjas came to get Raijuu out of me? That's why I'm so glad to come across someone like you, Seiya-chan."

Deidara stared down at Renji, from his position of him lying on top of him. His face darkened.

"Seiya-chan?" Renji queried with a worried look on his face.

Deidara said darkly, "I have to leave…"

"Seiya-chan!"

Deidara ignored Renji's calls, and walked out of the room, his face possibly even darker than it could ever be. He slammed the door shut, and slowly walked back towards his room, slowly dragging his feet along the polished floor. He pushed his door open, to see Sasori lying down on his bed, snoring slightly. Deidara smiled softly, and walked over to where he was lying down, and sat down on the bed beside him. Sasori mumbled something in his sleep, and rolled over, so he was now facing Deidara. He slowly opened his eyes, and yawned. He then said, "Dei… Deidara? What's happened? Where's Raijuu?"

Deidara smiled, and said, "Doesn't matter, un. What happened was…" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

Deidara sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Wrong Renji, un. That's it in a nutshell, un…" Sasori stared blankly at Deidara.

"No. Freaking. Way." Deidara nodded.

"It's really stupid, ne? Un?"

"I can't believe it…" Sasori sighed, flipping his hair back. "So, what do we do now?" Deidara's face turned into a frown.

"Well, I'm gonna have to do the same thing to the PROPER Renji, un…"

"What?! **NO! **You've already **SCREWED **one Renji; we don't need two screwed..!"

"I didn't screw him, un…"

"Really?" Sasori's eyes sparkled.

"_**Not too late to fulfill that dream of yours, no?"**_

Sasori smirked evilly at Deidara.

**GLOMP. **"Heeeeee!"

…

**(-cough- "Heheh... Oh my." Boom stammered, blushing furiously.)**

"Ahh… Danna, un…"

**("..! Wait a mo… This wasn't in the script!" Boom said quickly, flicking through the many pages. She then looked at Sasori and Deidara, and grinned widely. **

"**Well HOTDAMN!")**

_**Many Hours Later…**_

Deidara stepped out of the small cubicle after a _very _long shower. He sighed, and reached for a towel. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. "Ooh, you won't need **THAT**, missy…" Sasori grinned widely, pulling Deidara towards him.

"..! S a s o r i… n o… D a n n a… **UN**!!!" Deidara squeaked, red in the face. Sasori gave Deidara a smug grin.

"Yes'm?"

"Can you let me at least get cha... Danna, DON'T GO THERE, UN!!!" Deidara yelled, and he tried to squirm away from Sasori, whose mind was in dirty places…

"Mm. Squirm a bit more, Deidara. It feels good."

Deidara stopped moving, and glared at Sasori. "That's it. I'm getting changed and going, un."

Deidara walked over to the closet, and pulled on a top and pants, Sasori watching him the entire time. "Aiii… Sasori no Danna, will you stop staring, un?"

Sasori shrugged. "Nah. I'm fine."

Deidara glared at Sasori, a blush on his face. "You bloody perv, un."

"That I am! That I am!"

Deidara fumed under his breath, and sighed, "Whatever. I'm out, un." He slammed the door behind him. Sasori smirked, and flopped down onto the daybed. He didn't bother to follow Deidara.

Deidara stomped off down the hallway, fuming angrily. As he walked down the hallway, Renji came out of his room. "Seiya-chan!"

Deidara inwardly groaned. _"Crap, not you…"_

Renji said, "Seiya-chan, my 'Megumi', my sweet… I'm so very sorry I don't have Raijuu, but I will make it up to you! Oh-my-sweet-flower, I'm so sorry, I'm so bloody sorry! I can change!"

Deidara frowned at him. Renji fell onto his knees, and kissed his hand. "Please, I will make it up to you, my angel!"

A vein popped. _"Oh my __**GOD!!**__ I can't take this anymore! I got what I wanted out of Sasori, and I'm bloody __**SICK **__of Iwagakure!! I'll FINISH THIS NOW!!!"_

Deidara slapped Renji away, and stomped down the hallway. "Seiya-chan!" Deidara ignored him, and stormed into the entrance hall, to see Renji and Kiara-Belle cuddling on the loveseat. Renji looked up with a frown, but it turned into a slight smile. "Seiya-chan! How are yo.. Mmmmph!"

Renji couldn't speak. Kiara-Belle screamed. Deidara didn't say anything.

…Because Deidara had just crashed his lips into Renji's, out of the blue.

Renji's jade eyes were wide with shock, but then furrowed into a frown. Deidara pushed his tongue into Renji's mouth, and began to worm around. Renji gagged, and tried to push Deidara off of him. Deidara refused to however, and proceeded to lift off his shirt. Renji glared at him, and then punched him in the face.

With extreme strength.

Think Shippuden Sakura type of strong.

Times by 5.

Then with added brass knuckles.

Deidara went flying across the room, and crashed into a wall. He stood up, and spat out some blood. He then let out a roar of fury, and charged at Renji.

"STOP!" Kiara-Belle shrieked, jumping in the way of Renji. "Stop! What the hell is going on? Seiya, you're STILL going on about your mission?!"

Deidara glared at her, and spat venomously, "I have to complete the mission! I don't care if I ruin lives, I'll do this mission!"

Kiara-Belle's face dropped, and she stared at the ground. She then said in a whisper, "You'd rather pull apart lives, than leave them the way they already are?"

Deidara's face dropped. Kiara-Belle's voice had dropped to a deadly whisper. "You would prefer to kill then spare a life?"

Kiara-Belle than screamed loudly, "And I thought you had at least one bit of good in you, Deidara of the Akatsuki!!"

…

Deidara's eyes widened, and Sasori charged into the room. "Whoa! What's going on, Seiya?!" He said in awe. Kiara-Belle spun around, and pointed an accusing finger at Sasori. "And you think you're so great, Akasuna no Sasori!"

Renji's eyes widened. "Wait, so you're saying Raisos and Seiya are Akasuna no Sasori **AND **Deidara from the Akatsuki?!"

Deidara grinned evilly. "Hah! You people are so stupid, you can't even tell the difference between a young woman and an S-ranked criminal, un!"

Renji glared full force at Sasori and Deidara, but then his face darkened. He then began to chuckle. Deidara raised an eyebrow, and folded his arms. "What's so funny, un?"

Renji smirked, and said darkly, "You're the stupid one. You just confessed to a 'Gen ANBU' squad leader. The best ANBU squad in all of Iwagakure."

Deidara's face dropped to the floor. Renji ripped of his grey muscle-shirt, and khaki pants, to reveal a black ANBU outfit. The top was a black muscle-shirt with shoulder-plates, and he was wearing dark, tight pants with brown combat-boots. Onto his back was strapped a katana sheath. All of a sudden, a strong wind began to blow, and it blew his long brown hair into the breeze.

"Such a man!" Kiara-Belle swooned, falling back onto the loveseat. Sasori and Deidara simultaneously sweatdropped. Renji pulled out his katana, and grinned. "Killing time…"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"

Sasori and Deidara charged out of the Inn, Renji hot on their heels.

"Come back here, you little shits!!" Renji yelled, taking a slice at Deidara's back. It was a direct slash, and went down Deidara's back. It left a large cut, and his shirt began to fold down.

"Crap…" Deidara hissed, running as fast as he could. Sasori was gritting his teeth, and also running quickly. As they neared the gate, they saw Takeshi sitting by the gate. He looked up from the magazine he was reading, and smiled widely. He raised his hand in greeting.

It was also just at that moment Deidara's shirt peeled away. Takeshi's eyes widened, and looked from Sasori to Deidara, then back again.

"_Crap… Crap… Crap… He's gonna capture us!!" _Sasori shouted frantically in his head. Then, Takeshi stopped flickering his eyesight from Sasori to Deidara, and came to rest on Deidara's now-bare chest. Then he licked his lips.

"_Crap…"_

As Deidara and Sasori ran past him, Takeshi's hand reached out and grabbed Deidara's ϋber long ponytail.

"Arrrggghhh!" Deidara shouted while being flung back. When Deidara was pulled back, he grabbed the back of Sasori's shirt, and they both went flying into the wall. They both landed in a large heap on the floor. After a moment of daze, they proceeded to roll away, up, and then run again…

Nope, that wasn't happening.

Takeshi sat on Deidara's chest, and hissed, "You're not going **ANYWHERE, **tiger…"

Deidara's eyes widened. "Holy shit, un!! I'ma… I'ma…Err… FLAT-CHESTED! Yeah, flat-chested, un!"

Takeshi purred, "Nonsense, darlin'… You're a man… And I'm likin' it…" Sasori jumped to his feet, and grabbed Deidara's hair.

"Goddammit, **NO TIME **Deidara!!" He yelled angrily. He yanked on Deidara's hair ("Holy CRAP, un!") and they both began to run again.

"Wait! Deidara!" Takeshi yelled from after them.

"Catcha later, manwife!" Deidara screamed behind him. And with that, Deidara and Sasori sprinted off. Renji had decided to let them go free.

"But why, Renji-sama?" Kiara-Belle pouted, stamping her foot. Renji shrugged.

"The bigger start they get, the more fun the chase."

"You're **SO **manly!" Kiara-Belle swooned, wrapping her arms around Renji. Renji smirked, and looked off into the direction Deidara and Sasori were running off into.

"We'll meet again one day, you queer weirdoes."

_Meanwhile, back at the oMg-So-EvIl Akatsuki Lair…_

Makoto was batting her eyelashes and scooting closer to Kisame, all with a flirty smile on her face. Kisame (the poor darlin') had absolutely **NO** idea what she was trying to do, and Itachi was watching from the background with bemusement.

"Kisame-sama…You know we got a good thing going…" Makoto murmured, scooting closer still to sharkman. Kisame blinked twice, and Itachi sat there, a blank expression on his face. (Damn, you can tell these guys have never had a girlfriend…) Makoto leant in, and was about to kiss Kisame…

**BANG.**

Makoto let out a scream as Deidara and Sasori blasted through the wall, sending rubble and sandstone everywhere. Deidara skidded across the floor, and Sasori jumped out of the hole into the room.

"You FRICKIN IDIOTS!!! CAN'T YOU FRICKIN' ASSWIPES SEE KISAME-SAMA AND I ARE BUSY!!!" She screamed, pointing at Deidara and Sasori. Deidara blinked, and Kisame said weakly in the background, "We were busy?"

Makoto continued to screamed at them, until Itachi calmly said, "Where's Raijuu?"

Kisame blinked. Makoto stopped screaming, and then blinked. Deidara blinked. Sasori blinked. Itachi calmly sat there in his brooding, badass ways. The oMg-So-EvIl Akatsuki Leader walked into the room.

"Sir!"

"Un!"

"That's a very good question, Itachi-san. Where is Raijuu, Deidara, Sasori?"

"Errr… Sir, that's the thing…"

"Queer Renji…"

"We didn't get Raijuu…"

"Queer Renji!"

"You gave us the wrong Renji to track…"

"Queer Renji!"

The Leader raised an eyebrow. "So… The wrong Renji, you say?"

Sasori nodded. "Yeah."

Kisame and Makoto both looked at each other, and both simultaneously burst into hysterics. The Leader smirked, and Itachi's eyes went very wide. Itachi smirked, and his face morphed into something along the lines of psychotic maniac. He then buried his head into the collar of his cloak, but after a bit, he couldn't hold it in.

Itachi (uncharacteristically) burst into laughter, and slumped back against the wall, laughing loudly. This only made Kisame and Makoto laugh harder, making Makoto collapse into Kisame's shoulder, and made him collapse onto the floor, almost sobbing in hysterics. The Leader's smirk turned into a smile, which turned into quiet laughter. Deidara and Sasori looked as if they were prepared to kill all of them, until Deidara screamed, "IT'S NOT FRICKIN' FUNNY, UN!!!"

Makoto screamed with laughter, and after a bit, both she and Kisame's laughter turned into laughing/sobbing noises, and eventually, tears of laughter slid down their faces. Itachi laughed hard, and the Leader stopped laughing after a bit, sighed, and commanded them all to stop laughing. Kisame snickered a bit, but stopped after a bit.

"Alright, Deidara, Sasori. Because of your screw-up of Raijuu, I'm assigning you to a new Bijuu to capture. Maybe I needa take this down a notch… Alright. Your task is to capture…"

Sasori pressed on. "Yes..?"

"The one-tail, or Shukaku. The host is Subaku no Gaara. You will be leaving in two weeks."

…

**.xXx. Owari .xXx.**

**Thank you to all of my loyal readers! I especially wanna thank HyuugaAngels, Skilled defence, Ringa's dream, SeleneSoulwar, Deidara-sempai, Sabaku no Kurai, and all my other loyal reviewers! I love you all so much, and thank you!! –cries- If you all are good little reviewers, I'll throw in a spin-off chapter… Keep your eyes peeled!**

**Love always,**

**-aBoOm-Un**

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**:EDIT: Oh. My. God. 95 reviews, 7956 hits, 41 favorites, 26 alerts. I only signed up here in April 2007, people!! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. –happy tears-**


	8. SpinOff Chapter

_**My Danna's So Pretty! Part VIII SPIN-OFF CHAPTER**_

**Summary: Just a spin-off chapter for My Danna's So Pretty. Enjoy!**

**Genre: Humor/Parody**

**Disclaimer 1: Noes! Don't own!**

**Disclaimerer 2: This is set 2 years after My Danna's So Pretty. Yeah, Sasori is dead. –cries- My sexy puppet-boy is DEAD! –sobs in the emo corner- Oh yeah, it's the same with Hidan and Kakuzu. Sexy puppet, greedy weirdo, and religion fanatic. All dead. )**

**Disclaimererer: Ehh. Slight hints of ItaDei, DeiTobi, and KisaMako. (KisameMakoto, not FF Mako! 8D )**

_By aBoOm-Un_

Deidara let out a sigh, and he trudged through the doorway. "We're back!" Tobi yelled happily as he bounded into the room, and jumped onto the couch. Tobi began jumping up and down, up and down… Deidara let out a annoyed groan; he had a splitting headache. Stupid Tobi wouldn't shut up the entire trip back from stealing that scroll… Bloody Iwagakure put up a fight. Thank God he didn't run into that freakin' weirdo… What was his name? Takeshin or something… The one that tried to rape him when trying to escape from Renji. Actually, he ran into Renji, while he was stealing the scroll. Renji, the bloody idiot had grown his hair out even LONGER! Deidara remembered what happened like it was yesterday, when it actually happened 2 days ago… **(-cough-)**

…

_A loud bang signaled that Deidara had blasted open the door. Tobi ran into the room, and reached for the scroll, as Deidara ran in after him. Tobi snatched the scroll, and the pair turned around, when suddenly…_

"_JACKASS!!!"_

_Deidara stared agape at the intruder. "Renji?!" It was indeed, Renji. His jade eyes were wide, and his hair fell down to his thighs. He was wearing his 'Gen ANBU' outfit, and he had his katana out. But, shockingly, Renji put the katana back into its sheath, and walked over to Deidara, his arms slightly raised. _

"_Dude! I haven't seen you in ages!" He grinned, his eyes sparkling. Deidara smirked slightly, and opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it, and raised an eyebrow._

"_Aren't you s'posed to kill us, un?"_

_Renji shrugged. "Hell. You're an old friend. How about I give you a 1 minute head start?" Deidara blinked twice._

"_Seriously? Won't you get in major crap, un?" Renji shrugged once more, and let out a yawn._

"_It's not like I give a crap, yo. I'm bloody sick of being bossed around by the bloody Kage. So, steal the scroll, and run. I'll be counting as soon as you start to run." Deidara smiled at the young man, and beckoned Tobi. "Oi, Tobi. We're out, un."_

_Tobi jumped out the window, and Deidara was about to follow him, but he turned around and looked at Renji._

_Renji opened his eyes, and said in a bored tone, "I'm counting, y'know." Deidara's eyes widened, and he jumped out the window and began to run._

_As soon as Deidara jumped out the window, Renji sighed, and looked sadly at his Iwagakure forehead protector. He hesitated for a second, but then tore it off his arm, and threw it down onto the ground._

"Maybe one day I'll join you in the Akatsuki, Deidara. Until then, I'll be looking for you."

_And with that final thought, Renji jumped out the window, and walked out of Iwagakure as a free man._

…

Deidara stumbled over to the faded-armchair in the far corner of the room, and collapsed into it, groaning loudly.

_Quiet footsteps outside the hallway door._

Deidara's eyes snapped to the doorway, where Itachi, Kisame and Makoto were entering. Makoto had a smug smirk on her face, and had her arm slung around Kisame's neck, who was looking at her with an embarrassed smile on his face. Itachi rolled his eyes, and walked over to Deidara. Deidara stood up as Itachi approached him. The Konoha missing-nin had considerably grown over the last 2 years; he was nearly as tall as Deidara.

"Deidara-san." Itachi nodded at Deidara, who gave a slight grunt in response. Itachi raised an eyebrow, and said coolly, "Going for the brooding, badass look, Deidara? 'Cause there can only be one of those here. And besides, it doesn't suit you."

Deidara looked blankly at Itachi, until he sighed and said, "Ehh. I just can't take anymore of that **THING, **un." He gestured towards Tobi. Itachi raised an eyebrow. Kisame overheard this, and snickered slightly.

"Of **ALL **the mornings I've had when I discovered that Tobi has snuck into your bed, Deidara…"

"I know, I know, un… Do you think I **WANT **him there, un?!" Deidara snapped. He then sighed and fell back into the faded-armchair. "Sasori used to sit in this chair, un."

"Yeah… Y'know, he really liked you, Deidara." Itachi said quietly, sitting on the armrest. "He actually cared about you in that cold shell of his."

Deidara sighed deeply. "In the cold, soulless shell of his puppet body, a heart remained, un."

Makoto raised an eyebrow, and whispered to Kisame, "Since when did Deidara be philosophical?" The sharkman shrugged, and watched Deidara talk.

Deidara looked as if he was about to slit his wrists. Kisame laughed nervously, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ehh… So Deidara. How did the mission go?"

Deidara looked up at the shinobi. He had a nervous smile on his face, which made him look murderous. **(Which ironically, Makoto and Boom both thought was cute –insert bitchfight over the fishy here-)** Deidara unconsciously shuddered, and said, "It went fine, un. Here's the scroll." He tossed the scroll at Kisame, who caught it, and threw it unceremoniously onto a nearby couch.

Makoto rolled her eyes, and then said slowly, "Well, I better leave you guys to your guy-talk… See ya." With a wink in Kisame's direction **("Oh no you don't! Boom will have your ass on a platter!")**, Makoto strolled out of the room.

Kisame glanced at the doorway where Makoto left, fell onto the couch, and groaned, "God, women are weird…" (**"Still in the running!") **Deidara sank into the chair, and soon only his nose was visible. He groaned loudly, and rolled around slightly. Itachi opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the arrival of Zetsu, who had just walked into the room.

"Zetsu." Itachi nodded at the nin. "How's 'the thing' going?"

Zetsu's black half hissed, "_None of your business, weasel._"

Itachi glared at him, and said coolly, "It was my idea, asswipe. So, what's happening?"

Zetsu sighed, and his white half said hotly, "If it wasn't Tobi, I'd do it. I need him to run errands for me." Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"We did it to Deidara before, so why can't we do it to Tobi? Its, err… A _'maturity' _process."

"_I know that, brat. How old do you think I am?"_

Itachi glared at him. "So, let's proceed with the plan as we thought as originally. Get the Leader in here. We need to make it… _Professional_."

Zetsu nodded. "Yeah. _Go fetch, weasel_."

Itachi gave the plant-man a murderous look, but left the room nonetheless. Zetsu looked over at Deidara, who was moaning in the armchair, face hidden.

"_The queer pansy can't live without a freakin' puppet in his life."_

"He was in love…"

"_He could never be loved back. A puppet doesn't have feelings."_

"That doesn't mean he can't love him." Zetsu took one small step towards Deidara, but then stepped back.

"_He broke his own heart, by loving one that can't love. Leave him be."_

With a final glance at Deidara, Zetsu turned around and sat down in a chair, but stood up again, because Itachi and oMg-So-EvIl Leader-san had just walked into the room, Makoto following in after them.

Makoto smiled at Kisame, and ran over to him. Deidara let out a slight whimper, and sunk even further back into the armchair. Itachi glanced at him, and looked sadly at the floor.

"_Poor bastard."_

Kisame set up on the couch, with Makoto grinning happily, trying to latch onto his neck. Kisame pushed her away, and said slowly, "So… What's happening? And Tobi, _Goddammit, _STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH!" Tobi, who was jumping on the couch still, stopped bouncing up and down and said sheepishly, "Ehh… Sorry, Kisame-san." The fishy-nin looked blankly at him, and shrugged. Makoto had left for a bit, and came back after going to the kitchen. She began munching on a cucumber, and flopped down besides Kisame, (which meant trying to jump into his lap) who was very embarrassed to be in her presence.

Itachi rolled his eyes at his partner, and said, "Leader-san. What is the mission?" Deidara pulled himself out of the couch-folds, and looked at the Leader directly in the eye.

"A mission, un? For who?"

The Leader coughed twice, and rubbed the back of his neck. "See Deidara, that's the thing… It's.. Well…"

Itachi cut in, "Either you or Tobi has to do this mission. The mission is to go to Takigakure, and become friends with a anti-social guy, because he's Kaku's, or the seven-tails host. One of you will have to become friends with him, and betray him. But, that means you can't smile, laugh, or anything which expresses happiness."

Leader coughed, and said, "Yeah."

Deidara stared blankly at the two. "So, one of us has to double-cross a dude, and be an emo while we're at it, un?" Leader nodded.

"That sounds about right."

Deidara groaned. "Tobi's doing it, un. I refuse."

The Leader nodded. "It's quite a bit like the mission we assigned you before." The Leader looked cautiously at Tobi, and murmured to Deidara. "Actually, it's a maturity thing. We're all sick of Tobi being a bloody hyperactive idiot."

Deidara smirked, and nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'm fine with it, un."

Leader smirked back at Deidara.

"Oh Tobi!" Tobi looked at the Leader, a grin under his mask.

"Yes, Leader-san?"

"Come over here, I've got a mission for you…"

…

**.xXx. Owari .xXx.**

* * *

**I mean The End this time! Yeah. I'm really sorry it's short, but I couldn't drag it on. It gets really hard when you just wanna cut to the point, finish the story and work on one-shots! Yeah, but thank you all so much for reading! It's my first actual series type of story ever, and I got over 70 reviews for it, so it just fills me with so much happiness! Thank you all so much!**

**Love always,**

**-aBoOm-Un**

**xxxooo**


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